The Meat Mafia Podcast

MM 244 - Ryan Griggs
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Harry: [00:00:00] Ryan Griggs, welcome to the Meat Mafia podcast, bro.

Ryan: Dude, I've been looking forward to this for so long. It's been a long time coming,

Brett: man. Yeah, from Twitter to real life to now one of our best friends and now podcast guests.

It's been a very special transformation.

Ryan: I mean, it's pretty cool, especially, um, since listening to your very first episode. So, yeah, thanks for having me.

Harry: Well, it's pretty funny. Like the power of the internet. I feel like us three appreciate it more than most, but. Like, the friends that us three have been able to build just through Twitter has been amazing.

I feel like you're someone who leverages that more than anyone.

Ryan: Yeah, I mean, it literally saved my life as we'll expand on my story. But, yeah, it's literally the only reason why I was able to overcome everything that I've gone through.

Brett: Yeah, you're the type of person in similar ways where I think we can say that Twitter has effectively changed the three of our lives for the better.

You know, number one, you're connecting with the coolest people, you're learning so much information, and then if you use it the right way, you can actually build the best friends of your life, too. Like, the three of us all wouldn't be in this room if it [00:01:00] wasn't for Twitter.

Harry: Yeah. Without a question. Or even, like, talking about, like, we all started...

Really growing our interest in this whole movement that like the regenesis basically of supporting regenerative and high quality food production in the U S like we wouldn't really have that. Um, if, if it weren't for the connections that you can make on Twitter, we've made connections with so many ranchers and other people just through the ability to leverage that, that network effect on Twitter and just meet people.

DMs are incredible. So it's just an amazing leverage, uh, leverage and networking tool.

Brett: Yeah. And so for the listener. that might not be as familiar with you. So not only are you one of our, our best friends, um, you're also the founder of the Regennaissance, which is this incredible U. S. made apparel line, shirts, t shirts, hats, all U.

S. made, supporting the regenerative movement. Similar transformation to us, where you went from corporate job to feeling like that wasn't necessarily the right thing for you, [00:02:00] um, got into the regenerative agriculture movement, you did a ton of work at farms, which led to you launching the Regennaissance.

clothing line. Now you have the Renaissance podcast, which just launched last week. So congrats on that. Um Also fellow autoimmune guy as well to Hashimoto's, which we'll get into, you've had an incredible transformation getting your health in order to, I know that's an ongoing, ongoing transformation for you.

Um, but dude, your story, the last two years is it's mind blowing. It's inspiring. There's a lot of different emotions that we could probably put behind it, but I guess take us back to where you were in the beginning of the pandemic and how you got to where you are today.

Ryan: Yeah. So like you were saying, I had a tech background.

My whole life has been pretty straightforward. Uh, grew up in suburbia, middle America type, type of situation and didn't really have any really difficulties in life until the pandemic started. So right as the pandemic hit, I received news that my brother had stage three colon cancer and that obviously flipped my [00:03:00] world upside down because he was my older brother.

I got really lucky in the sibling department. And so. I knew as soon as that news happened that if it had ever progressed to stage four that I'd go be a caretaker and so Fast forward a little bit Even though it was only stage three. I was still I was not handling it. Well at all um And also the pandemic was happening.

So we're all just essentially locked down Fast forward september of 2020 Received the news that it went in remission It was amazing. Yeah, so I went back home to indiana with my family and My mom got balloons and cake and we all just hung out and he seemed pretty okay. Because how it was initially going, it's a two week period to where the first week he does chemo, he recovers, and then by the second week he was playing tennis and working out and whatnot.

So, he was seemingly doing fine. This is what I don't understand, this is one of the first examples of my story to where healthcare made me really think what the hell is going on with all of [00:04:00] that. Because... Not even two months later, we find out that it had progressed to stage four. So it went from stage three to remission to stage four.

I don't know how the hell you messed that up so badly. Gives so much hope to a family and then not even two months later. It just went to the worst possible stage of cancer and I vividly remember when I got that news. I just walked in my friend's apartment. We were about to just hang out and Then my I don't even know how to describe that feeling, because I knew right away that that meant I was going to go back to Indiana.

And so, I went back home for Christmas at that time. And then, this was also the peak of the pandemic. This is another frustrating aspect. He was at the hospital for surgery in Indianapolis, so three hours away from where we're at. He only was allowed one hour of visitation with one person on Christmas Day.

Two months after being told he was in, or two, Yeah, two months after he's being told his remission and now he's spending [00:05:00] Christmas pretty much alone after going through hell And having to get emergency surgery That was just really frustrating the fact that They showed no compassion with any of that Yeah, I just remember just texting my brother and he it was not great That was the first time he ever texted me really for help because he'd always I mean, you know for guys You don't really ask for help you want especially as an older brother Um, so I knew that was whenever he texted me about all of that, that this was legit.

And so, I decided that I was going to take six months off, the first six months off of 2021 from IBM, and go back to Indiana and be his caretaker. And at that time, I was actually in a serious relationship too. So, my brother told me to come back, like January 10th or 11th. And I didn't know at the time why he was doing that, but now I realize it's to give me time to spend with her.

And to just, I mean, I was essentially saying goodbye for six months. Not only that, [00:06:00] had it been longer than six months, however long it was going to be, I was going to be there for him. I was not going to leave. And so, obviously there's a lot of unknown with all that. The thing I did before I left Austin to go back home, he wanted me to start calling all the cancer centers for clinical trials in case we need Hail Marys.

So I called Sloan Kettering, Cleveland Clinic, Vanderbilt, Mayo Clinic. And then the most important one, M. D. Anderson in Houston, which is the so called, not only the top colon cancer, but the top cancer center in the world, and I want to highlight that because they're example number two of how they absolutely failed us.

So we know cancer is obviously terrible. Um, but whenever I went home, I didn't, it was, the moment I saw him, I knew that this was so much different than stage three. Um, Yeah, I can't even really describe it. I just remember he was just in his recliner and he looked up at me. [00:07:00] And...

Yeah, he looked like shit. That's just the best way to put it. And whenever I initially planned to go back, I was going to be staying at his apartment, which is about five minutes away from my parents house. That lasted that night because his pain was already really bad. I mean, he went over to his bed and he was already hobbling and...

Um, Just talking to me just how much pain he was in and he was on a lot of opioids. So he was taking, I'm trying to remember exactly, um, I can't even remember off the top of my head now. He was on some heavy opioids to obviously deal with the pain. And I remember I went back to my brother's apartment. I started drinking and smoking because I just didn't know what the hell to do with that.

Um, again, I had never experienced a lot of hardships growing up. So this just hit me like a wrecking ball. And I remember he texted me that [00:08:00] night to come over because he needed help and didn't want to sleep alone. I was so messed up that I couldn't and I didn't sleep at all at night because I felt so guilty about all that.

So after that night, my dad and one of my brother's friends moved in another bed. And so I stayed in the same room with him. So it would be his bed, a recliner, and then my bed. And then that just pretty much just jump started what I would describe hell on earth. So, my mom was also, I completely forgot to mention this, my mom was also very ill at this time.

Rewinding back to 2019, she was forced to retire from her health. So, she was not very able bodied at all. She was pretty much bedridden, and she would only go from her bed to the bathroom to the bonus room. That was pretty much all she was doing. So I was helping her. And my dad was obviously there and helping, but he had bad back and knees, so I was literally the only able bodied.

And then thinking about... Just all the pain. Yeah, [00:09:00] it just really messed me up immediately. I was not obviously sleeping from that. But the thing with cancer is it's not... It's funny. Whenever I was thinking about it, you think it's not some 24 7 thing, but cancer's 24 7. It does not care about your 9 to 5 job.

It doesn't care about what the hell you're doing with your life. Especially with chemo in place. So, most of the nights, he would spend just throwing up. Insane amount of, just hours upon hours of just throwing up. And I just remember, there were so many days where, I would just go empty his trash cans of puke.

I'd go in the bonus room, my dad's just sitting there. We'd just look at each other, don't say anything. Cause we both know what's going on.

So, just. It was just crazy, his warrior mentality with all of this too. Cause, he had constant nausea. From whenever he woke up, to whenever he goes to bed, even though he didn't really sleep. He had constant nausea, he was throwing [00:10:00] up an insane amount, he was barely eating anything. And then, he was just in so much pain.

And he was so helpless. So, the bed he was in, it was one of those adjustable ones. Because, he would only be comfortable for about 10 minutes, and then he'd have to change positions. Change the angles and all this jazz. And I would have to help him with everything, even something as simple as he's laying like this and his phone's right here.

He would not be able to really get it. So I'd have to get him just even simple things like that. And so that was obviously really hard from the get go, because this is my brother. Um, he was the most important person in my life. He, yeah, I looked up to him and he taught me a lot. I wanted to make sure that, as much as I could possibly do to help him, but that was the struggle with all of this, that, I vividly remember him, again, just laying on his bed, just holding his back, [00:11:00] and then just crying out to me, and then all I could do was just sit there, and watch and hear my brother suffering.

It's literally the most helpless feeling in the world. And it was like that 24 7, to where again, I would try to help him, try to make him comfortable as possible. Empty buckets and buckets and buckets of puke, get food, do anything, but it's still like, I was doing nothing. Um, so I'm trying to get my bearings straight on all this.

So he's still doing chemo, and I would take him to the oncology center. He would have his appointments, he would do his chemo. Which would absolutely destroy him Because then the effects of that was that was the reasoning one of the biggest reasonings Why he was throwing up so much was just all the chemo because that's just a lot of poison[00:12:00]

Yeah, and at the time I just didn't know what to do I didn't do any research on any other holistic ways just because I was so numb and exhausted already trying to help him that Um, I was just doing whatever he would want me to do and just listening to the doctors and what they were saying. So it got to the point where I was just getting him food just to get calories.

So I would just every day get whatever he wanted. So it was always just a lot of garbage junk, fast food stuff, but it was just high caloric food. But again, he was not digesting any of that. He was throwing it all up. And yeah, the cycle just kept repeating itself. And I just also remember going to oncology and talking to them.

This is the tough part about health care because it's just so complex because I know all three of us have a lot to critique about the health care system. There's also a lot of incredible people [00:13:00] that were part of this, including, um, I don't even know what his, the terminology would be, he would just be the one in charge of everything with our case.

And amazing individual. Um, but with the healthcare system, the only things that we were looking for was just some type of different chemo, whether it be full fox or full fury or radiation, and those weren't working at all. And it was only, it was only getting worse and worse. So I know I'm kind of all over the place right now.

While all this is going on, I'm still making these calls to these cancer centers. Because it's kind of a long process. It's a slow process. And my brother's insurance wasn't covered to where you could just go around. But we were willing to self pay. Because obviously, again, this is literally life or death.

I don't care how much money it takes, I will figure it out. I don't care how much debt I'll be, I will figure that out in the long run. Because it's literally,[00:14:00]

It's literally, I get to spend hopefully 60 more years with him, or I don't. And so, yeah. I was just willing to do whatever it takes for that.

The pain kept getting worse and worse. He was losing more and more weight. Nothing was really working. And, Then, this is where MD Anderson kept coming into play. They were so incompetent. Every single week, There would be a new person, Talking, because you'd essentially talk to them and they were like, Okay, we'll do some stuff and get back to you in a week.

The week would come by, A new person would call, they'd be asking the same questions that were asked a week before and I'm just thinking to myself what the hell is going on, this is the top colon cancer center in the world. Right. And they're not giving a shit about this case at all with [00:15:00] my brother and so that was really frustrating in the back of my head because I didn't know what else I could be doing with him because I would try to call and call and nothing or yeah, I just didn't know what the hell to do with all of that and they were not helping at all.

Showing no compassion, and I don't understand why. I still think about that quite a bit. I don't know if it was because of insurance reasons, so whenever we were trying to self pay, that they kind of just put that to the side, or it's just literally out of incompetence, because there's just so much going on, and with that being the Top Colon Cancer Center, they've got an insane amount of cases, and people to talk to, and all of that.

Um, but that was very disheartening, through a lot of that.

Brett: So you were getting transferred to a new person every, every week, it seemed like.

Ryan: Essentially, yeah. Cause I would just wait for them to call back and they would call back and it'd be a new person and it's just like a week had gone by and nothing has happened.

And that happened numerous [00:16:00] times, um, to where, yeah, it really didn't go anywhere. So that was going on in the background. I'm still trying to help. And essentially my schedule was, I was not sleeping at all. I'm trying to just help them as much as possible. And then, the only way I could eat or sleep at all, was I would go outside, smoke so much weed, to where I'd just get an appetite, and then I'd eat just a large dinner around like 7pm, cause I wouldn't eat during the day at all.

My appetite did not exist, just seeing what was unfolding with my brother, uh, just destroyed my appetite. And I was also vegan at the time, so that added challenges, and I was really strict about that. So I was vegan for two and a half years, and I had a lot of conviction with all of that. And so I wasn't not even sacrificing that through all this, but I was barely eating any of that.

And then literally the only way I could sleep was to just smoke so much weed that I pass out. Because thinking about just the helplessness [00:17:00] that it turned my default state to fight or flight mode. And so I'd just be laying there exhausted. But I would hear like some noise that maybe my brother would make and I just.

I would immediately jump or anything just because I knew, I would think about this scenario if he needed help and I was just passed out. And then, that would always be in the back of my head. So I was not, yeah, I was not able to really sleep with that at all. And then I would wake up probably 6 or 7 AM, let my dog out, take care of my mom, and then try to take care of my brother's stuff.

Go run errands, come back, and then just do whatever my brother needed help with. Because a lot of the time we were just sitting there in the room and just... But for the most part, he was also just throwing up a lot and just in pain a lot and making sure that I had the time of the opioids that you could take because you had to spread it apart and you can only take it a certain amount at a certain time.

And so I just want to make sure you had that.[00:18:00]

I'm trying to think so this is probably around March of 2021 now. Things are so much worse. There are so many different times in the back of my head to where thinking all right, this is the end He is coming to a close But this goes to just his warrior mentality. He is The strongest mofo I've ever met and probably will ever meet he handled having cancer and going through all that better than me Yeah, it's just insane because if you think about being nauseous it's a shitty feeling yeah Doing that over three plus months, while also being an incredible amount of pain, that these opioids are not even really helping, and yet he is just fighting, and he thinks he's legitimately gonna beat this all, and

Yeah, it was, it was the most inspiring thing I'll ever witness, is just his attitude through all this. He [00:19:00] kept losing weight, and the pain kept getting worse, and The vomiting kept getting worse, um, and the news kept getting worse from the oncology, because there's really nothing that's improving, only things are getting worse.

And so that was really, really hard to stay optimistic. Myself, I never externally showed that, but internally I'm just thinking, he's definitely gonna die. Um, so, try to make the most of it, and try to help him as much as I can. Cause that was, out of everything, of this awful mess, the biggest blessing in the skies was the fact that, um, I was with him again.

We hadn't been like that since whenever he was in high school and I was in middle school. And I knew that this was a prime opportunity to just talk about everything under the sun. So the funny thing was, before finding out he had cancer, we were actually at the worst part of our relationship ever. I was not [00:20:00] really talking to him.

I was really mad at him. But it was funny, as soon as the cancer thing came up, that one pretty much out the door. And then we eventually, he brought it up. And we talked and obviously, um, set that to the side and we were able to overcome all that. So, that was the, the, one of the blessings was, yeah, we were able to talk about everything.

And, like for example, I didn't know he wanted a tattoo. And so there's a lot of little things that I'm very appreciative of. But, that also made it so much harder to watch everything. Because again, it kept getting worse. Seeing how it was affecting my dad and mom, was killing me. Um,

There was one specific time. It was leading up to, again, late March. [00:21:00] Things kept getting worse, nothing was improving, and we're told he's given weeks to live. And it made sense because he looked like, have you seen the boy in, is it boy in striped pajamas or boy in white pajamas about the Holocaust? Yeah. I mean there's very real scenes in there just showing the victims, and my brother looked like that.

He was just all skin and bones. And this was a couple days after he'd been told that he had weeks to live. He hadn't bathed in about two weeks because by this time he was just sitting in his bed in a recliner and that was it. He was not eating at all because he was not keeping anything down. He's barely going to the bathroom.

So I helped bathe him. And... I took off his clothes and... This is also the type of warrior mentality he had. He had [00:22:00] me take a picture of his backside. He was so weak that his back wasn't straight. And I could see his whole entire spine. Every... The whole entire spine.

And then I helped bathe him. As I was trying not to cry the whole time.

Because my 32 year old brother looked like a 90 year to... 90 year old. On his last legs.

Fortunately, after that, I went on a long walk. Unfortunately, I didn't see anybody because I was just walking around my neighborhood, just crying. And then my dad's just there, having to see all of us together, seeing his son, just an enormous amount of pain and suffering. [00:23:00] Because I also remember that, I don't know if it was that day or the day before, he also hadn't been outside in a long time.

So I was trying to find a wheelchair for him so I could wheel him outside and get some sunlight.

And I just went pretty much like 50 feet and that's all you can manage because he was in so much pain. And then I remember coming back and my dad's in the driveway just looking at us. And I felt so bad. Cause he's watching his younger

son, push his oldest son. And that's probably going to be one of the last times that we're together.

So that was all going on. And to all the listeners, that exact thing, everything that I'll keep sharing, that exact image will forever be ingrained in my brain. I don't have any physical scars, but my brain is chocked full of them [00:24:00] from all this shit. I don't think about it a lot, but obviously whenever I have to recall it, that is just a very vivid image, and I don't wish that upon my worst enemy.

And everything that I'm about, everything that I share on, on social media, everything that I do with rejuvenissance is so no one ever has to experience that.

So going back to, so he had weeks to live. And he was obviously in such a rough shape that we can't do the last hurrah, cause people always think about that with cancer and whatnot. You've only got weeks to live, okay, we can do the last hurrah and enjoy the time together. That does not exist, at least not for our case, because he's in so much pain, he's so weak.

That, yeah, that's just pointless to do. So we were just watching TV. This was April 14th. I vividly remember this day and have it verified that it was April 14th of 2021. It was around like 10 or 11 a. m. We are about to [00:25:00] get to watch some TV to just hang out. And then all of a sudden he just starts getting this really bad pain in his side.

And then it gets worse and worse and he just starts yelling. Not knowing what's going on, I called the Oncology Department to figure out what to do. And I forgot exactly what they said, but I hung up, went back in the room. He's just profusely sweating, and again, he's just saying like he feels like he's getting stabbed.

So I called the Oncology Department again. I still don't understand why they did this, but she said, Whatever you do, do not call 911. And so, I hung up and went back to my brother's room, and it was only getting worse, so I... Went and called 9 1 1. And then I remember whenever they answered. It's funny in the movies they say like take deep breaths or whatnot whenever that happens.

It makes sense because as soon as I called I was just spewing so quickly because I was obviously terrified what was going on. And then I took a deep breath and explained everything. So they came, [00:26:00] ambulance came and took him. We are at the hospital with my dad and with him. He's needing emergency surgery that night.

And I remember telling my dad that If there's anything left in your heart and mind that you want to tell him, tell him now. Because there is a good chance that he wasn't going to make it through the surgery. This is also the double edged sword. Because I really wish he didn't make it out of that surgery that night.

So he had emergency surgery. At like 10pm, it was just me, my dad, and the security guard. That was like straight out of a movie too. We were all just sitting there, waiting for like an hour and a half, two hours. Not knowing if he's gonna come out alive or not.

Tired as all hell. Um, yeah, that was just a very surreal, scary couple [00:27:00] hours. The surgeon comes out and said he had a perforated bowel. So essentially somewhere along his intestines, just a whole bursted open. And which explained why he said he felt like he's getting stabbed. I don't know exactly. I can't remember exactly what the surgeon did, but he, I remember he said he took part of another organ and like wrapped it around.

He did some wild stuff and insanely incredible the fact that he was able to do that and he felt really confident about my brother's recovery, which I was really shocked about because he's always, again, he's been weak as hell this whole three months. Um, so yeah, he is then in an ICU and then this is really when the hell begins and why I say I wish he would have died that night.

Um, cause I didn't even really talk a lot about. Um, being with him at, in, in, in his room, um, yeah, my mind's all over [00:28:00] the place.

The first two and a half nights he spent in ICU and he was on a ventilator, so he couldn't even talk. So I spent pretty much the whole time there with him. He needed a whiteboard and that's how we communicated with all the nurses. Nurses there for the ICU were incredible. Um, yeah, some of the most kindhearted people I've ever met, especially in such a stressful environment such as the ICU.

And fortunately we were at, uh, I don't know if it was the nicest or one of the nicest hospitals in my hometown. So that was the good thing about all of that.

But just seeing him just in his condition with just the ventilator. It was definitely challenging because I'd already been, again, really exhausted. I probably was getting at max three hours of sleep a night and [00:29:00] obviously that's terrible quality sleep with just a high stress environment of being his caretaker.

And then staying there overnight, I definitely did not sleep at all because they have to make rounds constantly so that you don't really have peace at all. He's taken off the ventilator and then he's moved down to one floor. The ventilator spread his vocal cords apart, so he couldn't even, whenever he would try to talk, it would just sound like that.

Nothing. You don't hear anything. And so, That began the really big challenge of trying to communicate still. So, I was essentially his spokesman. Because we had understood, just verbally, so I understood what he was trying to get out for the most part. His cues and all that, so, The nurses would come and I'd have to talk.

That was also really challenging because then, depending on the person, Depending on the nurse, they would speak over him, and I could tell the frustration from his perspective. Because they were trying to finish what he was saying, and a lot of times they were way off of what he was trying to get at.[00:30:00]

They were saying that he was still going to be making it out, which again, I still was genuinely shocked of all this because he, I think he weighed probably 115 pounds. It was just, just skin and bones. This was also the power of just family and community that I was very grateful for because had I not had my aunt and dad and uncle and other friends and family, I would have been absolutely toast myself.

Um, because the hospital is just a hellish place with just crazy blue lights. It looks like an insane asylum. For the guests, you get this really uncomfortable couch that you try to sleep on. And again, people are coming and going, moving, changing their meds and all that stuff to where you're not sleeping at all.

One of these days of the couple weeks that he spent in this floor, I didn't realize what was happening at the time. It [00:31:00] started around midnight. Um, He essentially was getting delirious and I had never experienced that in person. And I was really confused because he kept having me get the nurses to come back, to get meds, all kinds of things, just not really making any sense, and having me have all these odd requests to help him.

And I was so exhausted because at this point had been probably 36 hours I had gone without sleep. I was just holding on to the bed trying not to pass out and then he was talking to me saying, Like, what's going on, man? You're pushing away. And that was really messing with my head because I was thinking.

What more could I be doing to showcase that I'm in this for the long haul, I'm literally doing whatever it takes to be there for you. But then he started saying things like, Is there a person in the corner? Is there someone to get, like, coming to get me? And then I realized, oh, he's, it's not him and his mind's going insane.

And that [00:32:00] was just incredibly stressful because it was constant. He was having me get the nurses to come back and do all kinds of things. By now it's like 4 or 5 a. m. I'm on the verge of having a panic attack trying not to pass out. I'm like holding on to the bed to just stand up straight and Things were only getting worse and then he starts thinking that he's dying and that he can't breathe But he's having a panic attack.

I don't know if you guys ever had that but like you Your head just starts spinning, and yeah, it feels like you just can't breathe at all. And that's what he thought. He thought he was dying, but it was just that. But again, he kept having me getting the nurses constantly. And that poor nurse, she was by herself.

This is another issue with the healthcare system. They're just severely overworked, severely understaffed. So she's obviously got all these other cases, but my brother's having me trying to get her constantly. Um, she's an absolute angel with all of that, and very accommodating. Fortunately, around 7 a. m., my aunt comes [00:33:00] in to save me because I'm so drained.

He just needed sleep because, again, with all of the changes in the meds, whenever it needs to be changed, it starts beeping, and so he was not sleeping at all. And so that's why he got delirious out of all of that. They gave him some sleep meds and then he just passed out. My... Aunt took over me, for me, and then I went home.

Again, it had been 36 hours plus of no sleep. I get a really, really, really strong form of just some sleep pill. And then I pass out. My body had been so stressed from all of this that I woke up about 2 hours later. And 10 or 11 a. m. that day. And then I went back to the hospital and did it all again.

Things at the hospital kept getting worse. His voice was not getting any [00:34:00] better. He, he had speech therapy. He had therapy to, to, to try to walk. Um, nothing was really working with that either. There was that one point he was getting really bad jaundice. And I thought, okay, he's about to die. Because his skin, his eyes were turning color.

But again, this mofo was just so damn strong that... He, yeah, which is funny because our high school, our, our mascot was the Warriors. Yeah, so it came full circle. But, yeah, that was just getting worse. And he wasn't really improving, but he's still staying alive. So he couldn't stay at this hospital, so he was transferred to a long term facility, and there's only one in my hometown.

And so after two weeks of that, he gets transferred. And then that's really, really when the hell begins because this place was absolutely terrible. I remember being, as soon as we transferred him, the first nurse that was helping him was absolutely on some type of heroin or [00:35:00] really strong drug. She was tweaking so hard.

And I was like, great, okay. This is the reality of it that... He's not going to get this type of care that he had at the previous hospital. And not only that, the rules are way more strict with this. So you can only allow two visitors in total each day from 12pm to 8pm. That's it. That's all you get. And so I created a Google spreadsheet to where friends and family could sign up and ensure that everyone that wants to see him gets that time.

But also, I wanted to make sure that my mom... She obviously wanted to see him, but she was not mentally, physically there to where she could help with him. So, whenever she signed up, I made sure, most likely, that I'd be signing up so I could stay there the whole eight hours. Yeah. The care there was very hit or miss, because most of the nurses were travel nurses.

A lot of them could barely understand English, which was wild. I remember there'd be so many times where I'd be with my brother, [00:36:00] and we'd ask them to repeat what we said. They would have no clue. So that would really mess with my head because whenever you're not there, you have to entrust these people.

They're not even understanding what he's saying.

Yeah, that was very tough. And I remember he would be really pissed off about all this. And I remember at the time he, he talked about how they weren't really thinking critically at all and how always going by the book. And if it doesn't work, then you're just shut out of luck. I didn't really believe him at the time, and looking back, he was right, absolutely, that it's just very chaotic.

So he was critiquing them? Oh yeah, like crazy. Um, especially even in the previous hospital that he mentioned that, to where he didn't trust a lot of the nurses, and yeah, he was just saying how they go by the book, and if XYZ doesn't work, I don't know what to do. And that happened with oncology, that's kind of [00:37:00] why I was saying with He had very good intentions, um, and he was a very wonderful guy and very, um, compassionate for us.

But, he only went to what has worked in the past with my brother. And so, that's why he said, you only have weeks to live. It turns out why he had a perforated bowel is from all the opioids. That had blocked his system so badly that it wasn't digesting, it wasn't going through, so everything was just coming back up.

Which is what explained why he was throwing up so much. Um, and explained why even one time, he wasn't eating a whole lot, so I actually had given him an edible, and he ate a ton. I felt really guilty at the time, because then, the next pretty much eight hours, he was just throwing insane amount, just all the food he ate, yeah, immediately came back up.

So going back to, yeah, this long term facility,

Was really tough. Because it started to break his [00:38:00] warrior spirit. I could tell he was wearing thin, um, because he was not improving. His voice was not improving at all. Uh, he had to do therapy to try to move.

But he was so weak.

He was so weak. Uh, and just, yeah, there's just one point that I just remember him breaking down. Because for five and a half months, this dude was just fighting. And it's not working. Everyone, and I truly believe everyone will have a breaking point at some point. And that was finally hitting him. That was the first time he showed it.

Yeah. Well actually the second time, I completely forgot about this. With MD Anderson, I completely forgot to go back to [00:39:00] that. Before, we were given weeks to live. We still, we're talking to MD Anderson and nothing had progressed at all. Because I was even willing to just have him move down to Austin with me, because I still had my apartment.

I was just going to buy the same bed that he had, I was going to put up at my place, and then we would just drive to Anderson and Houston and come back. But nothing had happened. We didn't even get a first appointment. And then it was obviously too late. And I remember he was sitting in his recliner, I was sitting in my bed, and he looked at me and said, It's like they don't give a fuck about me, man.

And I'll never forget that. Because here's this top colon cancer center, not in America, but in the freaking world. My brother was in such horrible shape that he's gotta rely on people. You've gotta rely on these people, these institutions that you're supposed to rely on. And they utterly failed him. [00:40:00] And I'm not gonna say I'll never forgive them, but it's very hard.

Cause I drove through Galveston about a year ago. And, I passed MD Anderson, and I just started sweating and getting really furious, and I was so close to going off that exit and walking in, and probably, I would have gone to jail most likely, but I realized that would have been a really stupid move, so I just kept driving.

But, just stuff like that, that really, um, yeah, I'll just allude back to that later on. But that was, I'd say the second point, because that first one was, he kind of lost hope there. Um, the second one, he really broke down though. Cause I remember we were, I was wheeling him in the hallway. And, he just broke down.

And that fucking sucked to watch. Because I knew in the back of my head that he was still, most likely dying. But you just don't know when.[00:41:00]

And fortunately there too, those people, They were helping him with speech therapy and, and actually, like, physical therapy. Incredible people. Um, especially with that facility and the resources they had at that time. It was only getting worse. And again, at 8 p. m. we had, we normally would have to leave.

There was one night where he wanted me to stay and be there a couple extra hours. Um, I couldn't remember the reasoning why, he just wanted me to be there for safety. And so I called who I needed to call and got special permission to have that. I missed their call. Unfortunately, she left a voicemail because the two nurses that came in told me, it was like, okay, it's, it's time to leave.

And I was like, no, I'm staying here and I've got permission to be here. And I told them my name and I guess my name wasn't on any list or anything. So they're like, no, you still got to go. I was like, I literally got permission, but they We're not including that at [00:42:00] all. Did not take that consideration at all.

They just Wanted to follow the rules Showed no compassion to where here's my brother Who's on the verge of death

and They showed zero compassion about that because of some dumb shit rules. I Would have definitely had to be carried out in handcuffs had I not had that voicemail because then I played that and they let me stay But I just remember thinking about that, and I think about that a lot, too. Because it's selected compassion that they showed.

I just don't understand that at all. So things kept getting worse, and his pain only kept getting worse. Sorry, I'm glossing over a lot of stuff. Because then he also had a gigantic hole, essentially, in his gut. Because whenever he had surgery, I mean, it opened up everything. [00:43:00] That wasn't really healing at all.

His wound was not healing. Um, he was only getting weaker. His voice was not improving. They kept any, uh, like, umping up the amount of meds he was taking. They'd even give him fentanyl patches. So essentially, he had a fentanyl patch, he had diluted, he had, um, oxycodone, oxycotton, so much opioids, and it wasn't working.

Cause I know for a fact too, those fentanyl patches they had on his arm, I'm pretty sure if they put on to like any of our arms, we would have died immediately in overdose. Yeah. Wow. Um, so yeah, that was only getting worse and time was only going on and May rolls around.

Or no, no, actually, sorry. This was all through May. June rolls around. This is early June. The pain kept getting worse, [00:44:00] and

the night before he decided to accept his fate and choose hospice, it was just us two. I was on the left side of his bed. He was, he was laying on his left side facing me. The pain was only getting so bad, and they had given him so much medicine, and they couldn't give him any more at that time.

So he kept saying over and over and over again, Kill me, kill me, just fucking kill me. And he was looking at me in my eyes, And as he was doing that,

He slowly moved his frail little arm, In the form of a gun, Looking me in the eyes, And he pointed at his temple [00:45:00] and clicked it.

I had to go home and tell my dad that that's what just happened. So the next day, me and my dad are there. The same thing happens again. He's just saying that over and over again, except my dad's there watching. And I have to look at my dad as he's watching his son just suffer. And he finally chose hospice.

So not only that, he's having to accept the fact that his son's about to die.

The poor nurse, she's on her knees, just bawling her eyes out. Saying there's more she wished she could have done. That she felt so helpless. How she was doing that, that's the best way to describe being a caretaker for that. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.

I would have liked to say, like, before all this unfolded, that [00:46:00] I would have given my life for my brother. Without a doubt, after one day, I would have done anything for him to not suffer like that. So he's admitted into hospice. Fortunately this is a brand new facility in my hometown. Incredible. The nurses are literal angels.

And so, I stayed with him. He was only there for two and a half days. This is also just showing the power of your mind. Because also the nurses mentioned this before too, how there'd be people that'd come in that'd been fighting for months on end. They finally went into hospice and they would die a day or two later.

And that's true. There's so much truth to that. But, yeah, he was admitted and I made sure to tell his friends and family to come and share your last words. [00:47:00] The second day rolls around. I didn't realize this happens. He lost his ability to speak. He could hear us, but he was mute, and like he would just kind of mumble and moan, and that was it.

And people would come in and talk. The last day of his life rolls around, June 11th. I'd tell him my last words,

and then I remember the nurses said it was time, so my mom was talking in the chapel, so I went and got her.

She was sitting on his right side. I was sitting on his left.

I watched him die.

Three days before his 33rd [00:48:00] birthday.

So I had to text all the friends and family that he passed. And I remember, just like any Hoosier does, because I'm from Indiana, me and his close friend that had become one of my good friends, we went and shot hoops. And then after I destroyed him in horse, I know he's going to listen to this and he knows I, sorry, I destroyed him.

We were sitting on the bench and I just laid it out there because he had a brother that he actually had lost himself a year prior. So I was just like, what am I expecting for the funeral? And he said essentially, yeah, it was the worst day of my life. So the funeral comes around. It was obviously terrible.

That was the last day I'd ever physically see him again. And I remember that night [00:49:00] thinking, That's not even close to the worst day of my life, because that's just how awful cancer and chemo and all that is. It wouldn't even crack top ten worst days of my life. Again, going back to seeing his whole entire spine, I don't wish that image on anybody.

And so I was completely numb to the world after that. Because again, I mentioned this previously, I was in a serious relationship at the time. I didn't know how to handle all that, I completely shut her out during all of that. That quickly ended after all of this. And then this whole entire time, I knew I was not going to go back to IBM.

I was... I liked the field of user experience research, which is what I did. But I just did not care at all for business. B2B, enterprise, any of that just did not feel fulfilling. So, I wanted to bet on myself, but also just because I was just so destroyed that I knew I could not function. Before I went back to Austin, I had to take my [00:50:00] mom to her doctor, which is also a different hospital.

And I remember, it was just us two, and they started asking me a bunch of questions. And I had a full blown panic attack because then it started having these images of going back to when I was with my brother in the oncology department. And then my head started spinning and I had to go outside and sit down for a second.

So that was just a side note of, I just remember thinking, Just this, the constant fight, flight, fight or flight mode my body is in. So I go back to Austin. Not long after, I quit my job. So not only did I just go through all that with my brother, and then a serious relationship that I thought I was going to marry her, and then I quit my job, the foundation I had built, I think I was 27 at the time, so for the 27 years of this [00:51:00] foundation, I realized that I had built it out of sand, so not only did the wave just come crashing down, but it just took me in the undertow.

I remember shortly after going back to Austin. I had a friend. He had a birthday party and it was just like a cookout at the domain. So we're just hanging out. And I'm sitting there at the bench. There's probably 15 of us. And I barely talked and I don't know if you know of the movies whenever like they're sitting there and there's just muffled sounds and just blurry people moving around.

Yeah, that's exactly how it feels. To where. I have no clue what people were saying. I'm just existing because I just am so numb to everything. So then this just essentially jump starts. Being a recluse months after so. August, late July, August and September of 2021. I barely left my apartment. This is also [00:52:00] where Twitter comes into play because I know we talked about that the beginning.

So I started using Twitter. Surprisingly because of my brother because he was very anti social media. I'd always been the more I guess outgoing using the social media. Yeah, and I Was wondering why he used Twitter and he was a big bit corner and he would be following all his Bitcoin accounts and other I guess topics that he's interested in and seeing all the engagement and learning I realized oh, that's an awesome tool So I started following again Bitcoin, but nutrition mindset Masculine femininity Um, business, fitness, money, all kinds of Twitter accounts to where I was just consuming constantly and I legitimately say I went to Twitter University for like three months because I started realizing a lot.

I was unlearning and learning a lot because I was vegan. I quickly stopped after, uh, coming back to Austin because of Twitter, realizing that I definitely need meat and animals, [00:53:00] protein. But my mind was so messed up that Come 5pm every single day I would just smoke an insane amount of weed Until I'd pass out until probably 5 or 6am I wouldn't go to sleep until then because I couldn't Um, I didn't want to think about going to sleep without weed Because weed suppresses your dreams I was not having dreams, I was having horrific nightmares There's one specific one Um, my mom I was the one growing up who always took pictures, so my house is filled with picture books.

We were sitting at the dinner table and it was just me and her flipping through a picture book of my brother. And she's just weeping, saying, my boy, my boy. And so I just woke up, just covered in sweat, my heart is racing. And that was consistently happening, so I just did not want to dream. I just wanted to pass out, wake up, and then just exist.

And so that was going on for a while. But as this was still going on... I was still making some progress. It [00:54:00] took me until this year to realize I was just relaying a new foundation, a foundation out of bricks this time. And so

during the day I would just get out of the house and start going to coffee shops just to get out of the house. And then that's when I started thinking about taking walks because Twitter, our side of Twitter talked about that a lot. And I would reflect about that, because at IBM you're just inside all the time.

I'd take some walks, but after work I would just not care about that. I hike a lot, but not to this extent. So I'd just start taking a lot of walks and get that movement in. And then that snowballed into the appreciation just for the sun. Because being a ginger and being, you know, I was for the longest time scared of the sun with cancer.

And so sunscreen was a big thing. But there's just... The feeling of the sun and being outside just feels so much better, and so I was starting to get that side of things, and then coinciding or paired together with just all this learning I was doing with [00:55:00] mindset and business and things, and I realized, okay, I can start figuring stuff out.

I just gotta keep going. So I was just trying different things of what I could be doing with my life. So I love electronic dance music. Absolutely obsessed with that. You do. And you love to dance. Uh. Best dancer we know. Yeah. And I like DJing and what not and I made connections to where if I could showcase my skills that I would be able to play shows in Austin that could snowball but then I realized that lifestyle is horrendous and that would just obviously worsen everything so I stopped that and then tried things with Bitcoin because there's so much opportunities with that.

But that wasn't really sticking to where I wanted that as like my mission in life. Uh, so yeah, I was still trying all these different things. And then December of 20, 20, uh, one, December, 2021, I was following Zach Hummel. And then one of his good friends, [00:56:00] Joey Devlin, they do men's retreats. And so I was just like, what the hell is do that and see what that's about.

So January, I did this first men's retreat with Joey. Where we met in Arizona, and there's about five of us in total. And it was great. Um, just like minded dudes who wanted to hang out and share their stories and what they wanted to do in life. And that was, like, I feel like that was the really good start to the year of 2022 of last year.

Because then that's also when I found you guys. I found your story the one of your thread with the picture of you running that iron man. Yeah This is what I love about Twitter so so much because there's so many people like you guys To where you've gone through hell yourself. X, Y, Z, you tried and failed you.

So you took it upon yourself to fix it. And you did, and now you just want to help others. And it's so inspiring, cause Dude, I remember reading that for the first time. [00:57:00] That inspired the hell out of me. And there's just so many other cases, and that's when I found Other accounts like Soulbra. He gets a lot of flack, but for me personally He has had a massive influence on me.

Because, just his attitude towards life. I mean, it adds in the esoteric health stuff, so I would start thinking about grounding and, um, what I'm wearing and more about sunlight and all that jazz. Um, but things were starting to still progress, but at the same time, I had not done the inner work with my family, and so I just kind of suppressed all the trauma while all this was going on.

February of last year rolled around, and I realized I wanted to do something with health and nutrition. Which made sense, obviously, with all the things I'd gone through. I, growing up, was not healthy at all. I had the standard American diet. My breakfast was Pop Tarts and cereal. Occasional eggs, but not really.

And so, I was thinking about something like that. And around that time, [00:58:00] I discovered Virginia River Agriculture and homesteading on Twitter. Somehow, found my way into that. Ashley, uh, her handle is Zoma Field School. She was hosting this homestead course. It's an eight week course. And it's with other folks in the ag space.

And they bring on guests. And it just seemed like a really cool opportunity. Fortunately, I found out about this on a Friday. The following Monday was when it started. So I immediately signed up and joined that. And that was really the start to where I'm at now. Uh, Amazing class, very engaging, awesome guests.

It was only two days a week, and then that second day out of the week, it eventually split up to where whatever type of environment you want to have your own, whether it be homestead or actual ranch or farm. So I joined Jordan Hedberg. Because he ranches in Colorado and they're dry, and that's very similar to Texas.

So I was thinking I would probably be just working in Texas. While all this was going on... I had this [00:59:00] huge road trip planned for all of last year. Because that was the one thing me and my brother never got to do. But we would talk about it a lot. That was the one thing that we're just looking forward to, you know, keeping the hope alive.

Um, I had a really good friend from Japan who I met in college and he went back to Japan. I was really looking forward to taking him and going there. So obviously that didn't happen. And so I just decided to do this road trip around America. Initially, it was not even dealing with agriculture, but then I kept changing the itinerary to where now I'm visiting Jordan Hedberg in Colorado, and same with Josh Randergold, and then Jason Rick.

Because I wanted to visit Case Bradford, he's not in agriculture, but he's another Twitter guy who had become one of my good friends, and I just wanted to start meeting people that I'd been talking through on Twitter. Um, because after everything, I'd realized a lot of the friends I had made Weren't the best, and so [01:00:00] I really turned to Twitter for all of that.

So I start this road trip, while I'm also taking this Homestead course, cause it's obviously online so I can do all that. And I remember visiting Josh Trener Gold. And the first thing we do is process chickens. I remember those pictures. So I went from vegan for two and a half years to a year later I'm chopping the heads off of a chicken.

Did you eat it raw with him? No, but it was surreal. Uh, that night I remember, so in exchange for helping them I got a free bird. And I was visiting some friends and I just remember having that pasture raised, regenerative raised chicken with him. And even though I did not work on that farm to where before you got the broilers and actually doing everything, I was just there to process, and then eating it just made you that much closer to food, and so that was really surreal.

Then I went to Jordan Hedberg's ranch, and that's the first time I stayed on a ranch and [01:01:00] actually helped with work. And that really changed everything, because all the food they were making was so unbelievable. None of the food I've ever had in a grocery store. So much higher quality, the taste was unlike anything.

Just all kinds of, uh, beef dishes with their produce that they have out back. And I remember that first bite I took was the first time since I had started my journey of figuring out my life to where I was like, okay, this is where I want to be with agriculture. Um, This is another thing that just kept changing though because I was still having all these gut issues and I was completely glossed over that.

I'd gone to my gastro in Austin, did a colonoscopy and endoscopy because I couldn't figure out what was going on. They gave me zero answers. All they told me was I had an over acidic stomach. It turned out I had low acid. So that explained all the bloating and belching. I would take one bite and just, I'd [01:02:00] feel like Oompa Loompa and just have to, just burp for the next ten hours.

From that food I was eating at Jordan's Ranch, it was just really high fatty quality cuts. I mean, it was good quality, but it just wreaked havoc on my gut. Because after that, my plan was to head to Jason Rick's Ranch. About an hour into that drive, I just had really bad gut issues to where, looking back, it was bile issues.

But that freaked me out so badly, and it made me still realize I was in that, uh, fight, fight, or flight mode. That's such a tongue twister. I drove all the way back to Austin straight, which is 14 or 15 hours. That's how bad I panicked. I remember sitting in my couch that night, looking up the ceiling thinking, what the hell did I just do?

I thought I was getting better, but this just crazy setback, and so I thought to myself, Okay, I'm here now. I just got to take action and figure things out. So I signed up [01:03:00] for the beef initiative. So I told Brett beforehand, like I would have, that's when I met you. Yes. Had it not been for that, I wouldn't have met you then.

Uh, and then that's whenever I scheduled, I logged on to wolf. So that's an acronym WWOF worldwide opportunities on organic farms. And essentially it's a global organization. It's great. Uh, it's. Opportunities to work on farms and ranches in exchange for your labor. You get housing and food covered. And so I started applying and before I kept going back to this road trip.

I had this farm lined up in Pennsylvania for two and a half months, the last two and a half months of 2022. And then I applied to other ones like a bison ranch, because through all this too. I became just enthralled with bison. And thanks to force of nature meets that I just really saw whole foods in that.

Got me down the path of bison and Long term while this was going on. I thought okay. I want to do a bison ranch [01:04:00] So I go head back on the road and that's when I meet you guys And then also while all this is going on with the gut issues I was still absolutely exhausted because I also remember sitting down with you two and Jake from Jake stakes and I would want to talk but I was just so exhausted that I'm just sitting there just existing and again, none of the doctors are going on but I was here nor there and I just kept trying to fight it because I thought that I'd eventually figure it out.

So I kept on this road trip and Met Case in LA and that was awesome.

Brett: I remember you guys linking up. Yeah, I've seen pictures and stuff like that You just some bar workouts with it or the the Venice Beach workouts. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's an incredible

Ryan: guy Yeah, and so that was great too because now that made me realize That made me even more proactive than I already was on Twitter, because I realized that was just second nature to me, is just reaching out to people, wanting to talk and get to know them.

Because then, as I continued back to Texas, before I had to go to this farm and start my [01:05:00] new journey, I met with Michael Ammons and others in Arizona. And yeah, the whole road trip was, it was really good. I know part of it definitely was the escape. Just from my life and to not really think about really anything.

But at the same time, it was just so beautiful exploring America. It made me very patriotic and grateful that I'm born in this country. All of the locals I meet were, more or less, were great people and just, I don't know, it made me, there's not a whole lot of differences, it's just what social media and online portrays, which is always funny about all of that.

Um, but yeah, so I head back to Austin, and so this was before September, like late August. I get a small storage unit to place some of my brother's stuff in, because I don't know when I'm coming back to Austin. Um, and then I head to this farm in Pennsylvania, and then that's when I [01:06:00] start this new journey on a farm.

And, that was really surreal. I remember that first day, it was pouring down rain. Which was a great intro because I had to help work in the cornfields. So I'm just drenched but I Realized that's where I want to be and at that time I'd started sharing and writing some things on Twitter But then shortly after I started on this farm I shared my story up until this point and my goals with Twitter because With everything I was doing on the farm.

I really wanted to start sharing everything that I was doing documenting everything Just start writing information on just agriculture as a whole and then that thread of my story went viral and That was a life changing day because I had probably a thousand followers and then the next day I probably had like 7, 000 and connected with people that I Did not think were possible even Because I'm so into Bitcoin, [01:07:00] John Velas, I remember, messaged me on the side and asking to come on his podcast.

I was at this local cafe in a small town, Maryland. I shut my laptop and had to go for a walk because I was just like, okay, this is like the next I guess the next uh, leap into this journey, it was a huge jump. It's huge. Yeah. So, that was awesome. Um.

Brett: I remember when that went viral too. Cause we had been, we had met a couple months before that.

And I remember us having some calls out in Pennsylvania. And I remember that being your first big pop. But it was like, I saw it, it was viral. And then I checked the next day and I was like, holy shit. He went from like a thousand to seven thousand followers. But it's an, it's an amazing feeling. Just because Twitter.

You wouldn't be the person you are today. No. Without Twitter. Not at all. There's so many That's one of the things about you is you have I feel like you have such respect and admiration from the people that you learn from, but then to actually go the jump from consumer to creator and being like, alright, this is actually real.

I followed a lot of these people for so long, now I can actually do this myself too. It's an amazing

Ryan: feeling. Yeah, no for sure. [01:08:00] Um, yeah, so just on that forum, I can just talk, I guess, on that experience. So

I

Ryan: would have to, it would essentially start on Tuesdays, to where you'd meet at the, the farm owner's house, at 6.

30, and you essentially game plan the whole week, and then you just go out and do your work, and typically, for the most part, it was doing your animal chores, so, this place was 250 acres, they had, uh, lamb, uh, cows, pigs, rabbits, chickens, And so they got, they had a lot and then they also had more produce than I thought was possible.

So much that I had never seen. And so you're doing all the chores, you have the feed and making the feed and rotating them. But then a lot of the time was just spent out in the fields just picking produce because with the fact they don't do any sprays, they don't do tilling and trying to do regenerative, uh, with their resources, you're just out there [01:09:00] handpicking it all.

And so that's actually why I was saying I've been listening to your podcast, because you're just out there on the field. And so I'd just be listening to podcasts. And this also really helped a lot, because... Another guy that had a huge influence on me is Brute Da Force. He was the only person I had notifications on because of his Twitter spaces.

Because he is huge about mentality. Disregard what... He's a very polarizing figure. Um, a lot of people would not even give him the chance to hear what he has to say, which I think is foolish. Because he has a lot of wisdom to share. Because at this time, I was agnostic. My whole adult life I was agnostic. I grew up Christian.

But he kept talking about God given talents. And really thinking about it and leaning into that. And I was ignoring that. But every space, he would talk about that. And not only just talking about that, but Whatever happens in your life, you just have to steamroll ahead. And just keep going. And so I just ingrained that in my head.[01:10:00]

And realized he was really right about God given gifts, and so I started really leaning in heavily to, to that. And that really translated to what I was doing on Twitter. But then going back to the farm work, and my health. My health kept getting worse and worse. Um, which was really frustrating, because I loved everything I was doing on the farm.

Again, I really truly felt like that's, for the first time. Not even the last three years, but my whole life, that's the first time I felt like this is where I need to be. Just being out in the fields, I love nature and animals. But, It got to the point where whenever I was helping with feed, everything just felt like a hundred pound dumbbell.

It was very hilly, so how the land of their farm worked, Essentially, there's this flat piece of land and then two giant hills. And so you had to do a lot with both the hills and I remember I just walk up at the top and it felt like I just ran a half marathon and I've ran the Austin half [01:11:00] marathon before, two years before that, and so I couldn't figure out what was going on with that, but I was still just trying to push forward with all of that.

I would, it got to the point where, so we would have an hour and a half lunch break, I would eat as quick as possible, go to my house and just collapse on the floor and just try to take a nap for 30 minutes. And that's the only way we'd get by doing the second half of the day. 5 p. m. rolls around. I try to go to the local cafe because there's no Wi Fi at the farm and just write as much as I could for Twitter.

Like, I've wanted that so badly. I was doing whatever it took even though I couldn't figure out what was going on with my health. I was losing weight constantly. I was yo yoing my diet to where I tried carnivore. Uh, or I'd just try taking out vegetables. I was trying all kinds of things. I was not patient at all.

You're tweaking a lot. I remember that. Yeah, I was tweaking so much. Uh, Yeah, I couldn't just figure out what the [01:12:00] heck was going on. And that was really frustrating. Because then they started putting me in charge of the farmer's markets, which was great. They had four farmer's markets a week, Thursday through Sunday.

And it pretty much came to the point where I was doing all four of them. And then it came to the point where a couple of them I would do by myself. And I just remember even trying to get the tents out of the, the van, it took everything out of me just to do that and set up everything. And then after all that would end, I would just come back to the house and just exist until I'd collapse at like 9pm.

I'd wake up at 530 and it felt like I didn't even go to sleep. So I'd tell the farm, and this was also what I was really grateful for, is they were very accommodating towards my circumstance, because they could see I was putting in an effort. I wasn't faking any of that, because... Obviously, with a lot of work, people probably do fake injuries and whatnot.

Um, So, I went to a local gastro about an hour away. And I remember I walked in. The first thing I told them was, Don't [01:13:00] prescribe me anti acids. The lady jokingly checks off a box of the paper and says, Well, there goes my first line of defense. And I was like, okay, well, It's like example number 100 of just healthcare just destroying my...

My family, they were completely wrong. They prescribed me some other jug that had nothing to do with what I was doing. I never took it, nor did I ever even get it. Uh, so I went to YouTube. And that's what I would start doing on my own time. I would just go back to the house after working on the farm. And just look at my phone with YouTube.

I convinced myself that I had SIBO. Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth. That's... Crazy bad, too. Uh, just wreaks havoc on your gut. But I had all of the symptoms that they have for SIBO, so I really thought I had that. I started taking these essential supplements, and then I found a guy that had gone through SIBO himself.

Hired him independently. [01:14:00] He helped somewhat, and I was fortunately able to get a SIBO test, because you have to get that through, essentially, your doctor. And this is another thing. I, I called back that same gastro, told them that I think I have SIBO. They asked did I take those meds, and I said no, and they said well you've got to take that or come back for another appointment before I can prescribe you a SIBO test or any of that.

So I was like no, screw that. And then I got a SIBO test from this independent guy. It came back negative, so obviously frustrating, but at the positive side at least I don't have SIBO because that's a very serious ailment. Still don't know what's going on. Um, I even do a Reiki session, which I had no idea what that was at the time.

What is that? Is it breathwork? It's... I think it's... Eastern philosophy... It's... It's like a different type of yoga. See, I don't even know how to describe it. Like, it's like, in the world of yoga and like meditation, but... Yeah. Um... I've heard people say it before. Yeah. [01:15:00] So, this is also another cool thing. So, the farm owners bartered, essentially.

They gave her some food, and she helped and did a Reiki session. So, I laid on this... Not bed, but laid on a couch, you would say. And she did her session and would feel around my gut and everything. And she'd say I had all this negative pent up energy stored in my gut and to find ways to get that out. So she's saying like, go out in the woods and just yell.

And I didn't know what to take of that at the start. Cause obviously, I didn't know what Reiki was. So it felt very woo woo. And then I kind of, I definitely ignored that. Um, Realized now she was definitely right. Going back on the farm, I'm still doing all the farm chores and, and, you know, writing a bunch on Twitter and sharing everything.

But I'm losing my mind. Um, Because, It's essentially now almost two years [01:16:00] where I haven't woken up refreshed. I'm getting weaker and weaker. I'm not getting any answers. And not only that, it just felt like I'm not going anywhere with my life, so it's just, just mind games in my head. Um, so I actually took time off from the farm to go to Pittsburgh and do some more testing.

That actually came back and was not helpful at all. Surprise, surprise, through that. And so I actually had to leave this farm early, which I didn't really share, uh, online at all, cause it was just really frustrating. I was eating the healthiest I'd ever been eating in my life. I was on a farm outside, but my health kept getting worse, and I was not getting answers.

So, yeah, it was just constant mind battles. I went back home for Christmas. I've also completely glossed over that. This whole year, too, I realized I was suppressing a lot of stuff with my mom. Because that June of 2022, I went back [01:17:00] home before I actually went and met you guys. She was really bad. Her mental declined so rapidly, even before my brother's stuff, that obviously expedited everything.

So she was forced to retire because she had shingles, gout, sleep apnea. Her job, she taught special ed, very stressful environment, awful diet, no sleep, so it all made sense. She was diagnosed with coronary artery disease, so that's the most common form of heart disease. Her kidneys and liver were failing.

She needed a transplant for both, but she was deemed inoperable because of her heart condition. There was about five times where she had to go get two liters of fluid drained from her lungs. So she was just really suffering. For a while, I thought she actually had dementia. I actually got friends and family together to, I made like a Google Doc, to create a list of things that had really warned us and thought she might [01:18:00] actually have this.

She got tested. Fortunately, she didn't have that. But yeah, as all this was going on, it was only getting worse. And whenever I was home, we were sitting outside. Growing up, we used to play just the simple memory card game where you just flip cards and try to get the pairs of memory. And so we played that on the table.

And it was brutal to watch her try to do that because She'd make the same moves over and over again, even though, like, it was the most obvious moves. So that was really tough to watch, and I realized, too, I'd suppress that even more down with all my brother's stuff. So going back to December, yeah, I came home for Christmas, because I had this bison ranch lined up in Montana.

Rome Free Ranch. Um, I was supposed to start January 31st of this year. I stopped with this first doctor that I hired independently just cause it did not [01:19:00] go as well as I'd hoped. Fortunately, the SIBO stuff helped, but overall it didn't help. I went to Twitter and found his name is Alejandro AD. He's like 19 years old, maybe 18 at the time.

He had gone through severe gut issues himself, and again, everything failed him so he just went down the rabbit hole and healed himself. I'm so grateful I had found him because that's when everything started to finally help because This is also crazy. He's 18 and he knew I had low acid stomach. So that was one of the first things he helped me with these previous 18 months I spent exorbitant amount of money from all kinds of tests and doctors and It's just mind boggling this 18 year old kid helped me more.

So continue on with that. He was just explaining a lot in detail and had this He had me plan and set to take these supplements. But then also in December, he had me take independent blood work. For an extensive vitamin and mineral panel and thyroid. [01:20:00] Cause I had to explain all my symptoms. Cause essentially my symptoms were severe exhaustion.

That was the biggest one. To where I would sleep, wake up as if I didn't go to sleep at all. Um, very bad joint and pain inflammation. Because when I was on that farm too, it got to the point where every step I was taking was painful. Awful memory, cloudy brain fog, um, thinning hair, dry, brittle skin, nails, Um, crazy bad gut issues, bloating, and puffy face.

So that's why I've got that baby fat on my cheeks. It's actually from Hashimoto's. But those two tests. Answered all of my questions from the previous two and a half years. And that's wild because not a single doctor had me take any of those tests. So I was deficient in a lot of vitamins and minerals.

But then also, that's when I learned I had Hashimoto's. Which is a severe form of [01:21:00] hypothyroidism that is extremely debilitating. It's an autoimmune condition. Um, it explained why I just never had any energy despite sleeping.

Harry: Can you talk about what you've learned about Hashimoto's just like for, for the listeners, uh, benefit, just like, how do you get that?

Like, where does it come

Ryan: from? So to be honest, I've never done research on it because I've been so frustrated with it all, but I know how I've personally gotten it. I can't tell you exactly what, like the full details of the science of Hashimoto's. I got it from the severe high stress environment, lack of sleep.

Cause it's all connected. It's the gut brain connection. And then just an awful diet. Because I completely missed this part. After my brother died and switched back from being vegan, I was emotionally eating with all the weed I was smoking. And it was all ultra processed junk. So I just destroyed my gut.

Which was already [01:22:00] destroyed from, from just those six months cause I wasn't eating. When I came back to Austin after he died, I weighed 124 pounds. I have old pictures. It's, I looked absolutely horrendous. What do you know? Probably like 165, 170. Wow. And so, yeah, just the, the severe stress, um, the severe lack of sleep and just awful diet.

It made sense why that happened, why I was, I developed that because then also all that traveling I was doing. Um, and then the intense farm labor. Both of those are terrible for your thyroid whenever it's in this condition that I had. So everything I was doing was absolutely destroying me. Um, but fortunately it was also helping from a mental standpoint.

January rolls around and I leave my home because I'm just going back to, to, not going back, I'm starting the, I guess, technically next part of the road trip going to Montana. [01:23:00] But first I stopped in Colorado and Utah because I went to the National Bison Conference. Uh, with Tristan Scott, Bitcoin and Beef, and then went with him to Salt Lake City.

And there, I started taking the thiamine supplement, because that was one of the, the vitamins I was deficient in. I think my gut was in just severe dysbiosis, that I had a severe, severe, severe reaction to that. Because the week before I started on this ranch, I was in Boise, Idaho, just for a week, for myself.

And there's actually another Twitter mutual that I was gonna meet up, but... I just wanted to explore the area. I took thiamine the night before I left Tristan's place. And I remember waking up and driving. It was only three hours to, to Boise. And I just felt terrible. Just very, even more exhausted. Nauseous.

Very weak. And then, Boise was obviously cold at the time because it was in January. And so I was getting really bad cold chills. And I got to my Airbnb. It's in this loft above a garage. [01:24:00] I woke up the next day with just insane fatigue. I remember going to Whole Foods and trying to tie my shoe down and just severe pain in my upper abdomen.

Not knowing what was going on. I went back to my Airbnb and things really started getting worse. Um, so it was between a cold chills and fever and then just crazy upper abdominal but also lower abdominal just gas noises and pain. And this was another mental battle because I was starting to have to adjust on my bed to get comfortable.

And it was deja vu, like with my brother's situation. Because he would have to get comfortable moving in positions of his legs and all this. He would be having gut issues and all that. And I was thinking to myself, I've had two colonoscopies last year. I didn't even have a single polyp, let alone cancer.

And so, yeah, that was messing with my mind, but I would still take this thiamine supplement. Not in the back of my head. I [01:25:00] thought this was what was causing it, but I just kept taking it. Wednesday rolled around. So from this Wednesday to Friday, I went to the bathroom 80 to 90 times and it was all bloody.

And then that was just on top of this severe pain. The most pain I've ever felt. I was just thinking what the hell is going on? Um, really try not to panic about that. So Friday night rolls around. I think to myself, obviously this is way too serious for urgent care, so my other only option is the ER. So, I was like, okay, in the next morning I'm just gonna go to the ER.

Saturday morning, it's around 6. 30, I had to head straight to the bathroom. And the only way I've been able to sleep for the last two years is with wired headphones with rain sounds. And so I still had that in my, my, uh, my ears. And I was sitting there, I started profusely sweating. And at first I thought, you know, it's that feeling when you're about to throw up because then I was also kind of nauseous.

[01:26:00] But then my hearing started getting really muffled and like the rain sounds were getting more and more distant. And then my eyes were closing and I realized, oh shit, I am passing out right now. So I got up immediately and went to the bed. It was happening so fast, but in my head I was thinking slowly, I don't know what's going on.

I mean, I just had all this bloody mess, is one of my organs failing and that's why I'm passing out. I'm not supposed to check out until noon the next day. So if I pass out here, I could literally die. And so I learned that day that you could actually talk yourself out of not passing out because word for word, I was just saying, Ryan, you motherfucker, you're not passing out.

And I just kept saying that over and over again. And then I focus on my breath. Think. Fully from Wim Hof, I was just taking super deep breaths. Some way or another, my hearing started coming back and my eyes started reopening. And I was able to adjust myself, get my [01:27:00] keys, and go straight to the ER. Because by now it was around like 7.

30 AM. It was cold and it was sleeting out and it was still dark. Fortunately, there was no cars along the road, so I just ran every red light to get to the ER. I made it. Fortunately, since it was, again, this early on a Saturday morning, I was able to get in immediately. It's actually when I texted you the picture of the bed I was in.

They did a bunch of tests and just said I had this very, very inflamed colon. And I told them that I knew the quickest way to get into gastro, get testing, is to come back to Austin. And they're like, okay, we'll give you meds and all of that. So they gave me like anti diarrheal, but also just stuff with my inflamed gut.

And they sent me on my way. This is another example of the failures of healthcare. So I went back to my Airbnb, and it was around 5 or 6 p. m. I was, again, about to just watch TV or something to kill the time. Because I wasn't eating at all, I was barely [01:28:00] drinking. I could feel myself on the verge of passing out again.

And so, I actually packed everything and went to the ER again, and said, I'm not leaving, can I stay here for the night? They gave me two liters of fluid, so it just turned out I was just severely, severely dehydrated. Which made sense, obviously, from going to the bathroom all that time and not drinking and all that.

So I felt much better, and then they released me. That mistake, because I was in such a bad spot, I didn't know that's what I needed the first time I went there. They didn't give me any fluids. That cost me three grand because of that. But fortunately, I know about crowd health, so I only had to pay five hundred of that.

But I think about all the people that have gone through similar experiences like that to where they're not fortunate enough to not know about that, so now they're three grand in the hole. And, yeah, that was just really, really, really frustrating that I don't know how you messed that up. And so, [01:29:00] that started the journey of coming back to Austin.

And also, to all the listeners, because I really wanted to bring this up, to just showcase the awesome. Freaking men, you guys are, I texted Brett that he was willing to fly all the way to Salt Lake City, drive my car all the way back here. That is 21 hours. Just insane. Just insane, man. That's one of the kindest gestures ever.

Um, yeah. They just showcases the type of people you guys are, and so. Fortunately, I had just driven about 60, 000 miles, so I knew I could make this drive. Because from Boise, it's about 25 hours back to Austin. I made that drive. I don't

Brett: know how the fuck you did that. Dude, we were like, I remember us being in Bastrop just being like, there's no way he can drive this car back right now.

I

Harry: was like, freaking out.

Ryan: Yeah, it was not

Brett: good. We were freaking out. With a chronically inflamed gut, the [01:30:00] worst thing you could possibly do is be on the road for an extended period of time. Yeah. And you're passing out because you're so dehydrated.

Ryan: Yeah, um. Fortunately, those meds were strong enough to get me over because I would drive about eight hours and just stop.

And so it was spread over four, four days. And then that's when I came back and saw you guys, which was wild because that was also Austin. I know people think Austin doesn't have a winner, but they have the wonkiest weather to where they'll be one week out of the year. They'll have just ice and sleet and happened to be then.

I remember driving in and it's just. Ice covered the roads and I'm driving so slow. Uh, but made it back. And... Then I tried to get into Austin Gastro, which is quote unquote the best gastro in Austin. Since I had not seen them in over a year, they told me I had to schedule a regular appointment to tell them about my case before I could do any colonoscopy and endoscopy.

Even though I told them I [01:31:00] just was shitting blood for 90 times, they completely disregarded that. So, I essentially just told him to fuck off and I found Baylor Scott and White. I was able to get in, uh, the first appointment with them and a colonoscopy and endoscopy before I was scheduled to do this first appointment with, uh, Austin Gastro.

Again, this is why I love you guys so much. You've supported me so much. You guys were there to pick me up for my colonoscopy, and then it's gotta be Brett was the first person I saw after that. Fortunately, I didn't have cancer, but they also, I still don't understand. They said I had a really inflamed colon and it might be colitis.

They never gave a diagnosis outside, it's just a super inflamed colon.

Brett: Yeah, the thing is that G. I. seemed like he was sharp too, and he had all the credentials, and he was like, We were like, well is it colitis, cause that was for sure, I was like it had to be colitis or Crohn's or [01:32:00] something. Right. Hit 90 times over 3 days, I'm like that is, that was exactly what I had when I was fully flared up.

And he was like, well we, we kinda, we see inflammation, but it might be Crohn's, but I don't know, so we're driving you home. And I'm like. So he still doesn't even know what he has pretty much. And you touched on a good point to that. I just want to comment on. So the summer that we met, I've never had a huge flare up since I got sick, but I've had too many flare ups in the summer of 2022.

I had a pretty bad mini flare up where I was going to the bathroom like 10 times a day and I was in I was in Austin at the time, and I tried to call Austin GI as well and a few other places, and the minimum appointment time to get a colonoscopy was like two to three months. And I was like, I'm shitting blood ten times a day, you can't get me in any sooner.

Like, I was almost yelling at the wa I never lose my temper like that, especially on receptionists, but I was just so frustrated, and you had it even worse than I did, where you were literally shitting blood 90 times, and they still couldn't even get you in for months. But thank God, Bill sorry,

Harry: go ahead. No, I was just gonna say, what's the alternative?

If someone's [01:33:00] listening like they know of someone who's like having these types of problems like what else can

Brett: you do? Well, the only I was lucky because I was still in contact with my GI back in New Jersey And then again, I called the receptionist and she was like, oh three months and I was like, that's absolutely bullshit Yeah, I was like I've gotten you guys for six years Put me on the phone with the doctor.

She's like, we can't do that. I'm like, put me on the fucking phone with the doctor right now. And I talked to him. I was like, dude, doc, I've been shitting blood ten times a day for the last two months. I need a colonoscopy. And then he was able to make some changes. He got me in like the Monday of next week.

And then I just flew back across the country.

Ryan: Yeah, I feel like, Luckily, My only second call was Baylor Scott and White and I was able to get that in. Essentially my way of doing it. I just would have been very persistent in making calls with People in Austin, Houston, I mean, I would just have been making an insane amount of calls until someone would have been able to get me in right away.

And, outside of that, I honestly have no clue what you could do with that.

Brett: Yeah, because if I didn't have that [01:34:00] connection, I would have had to do what you've done. Where you're like, you're so sick, you're like, I don't care if I have to drive across the country. I just need to get images, so they need to open up the hood to know what's going on.

Yeah. It's

Harry: just unfortunate, like, the feeling of desperation, like, I've never been there, but I can feel it, like, in both of your guys situations, where you're like, I'll literally do anything to fix this. Yeah. Um, and how stressful that must be. It's very. Yeah. Yeah.

Brett: I just want to make sure, too, we can cut, for some reason, that ISO is saying zero.

Oh, no,

Harry: we're good. We're good? We have twenty, we have twenty one minutes left.

Brett: Okay, sorry, I just wanted to make sure we were recording, because I almost had a panic attack. But, anyway. It's too much. Anyway, yeah. I would have literally, I would have literally thrown the mics across the room. But yeah, but anyway, so, so we, so we pick you up.

Might be Crohn's. He's like, you definitely don't have cancer. We don't even, we don't think you even have IBS, which is bizarre. I don't, I don't think that that was true, but cause trust me, I'm a doctor. I [01:35:00] know. Um, so then where do you go from there?

Ryan: Yeah. So I had an Airbnb because I had this thinking of. It was really frustrating too.

I was at a very low point mentally again. Because I had all these plans with Twitter. I bought a GoPro, I was starting a substack. Because I had this ranch lineup and, uh, roam free ranch. And then I was actually gonna travel the world and work on farms. Because with Wolfing being global, I was able to use that.

But then also I was utilizing Twitter and... Talking with farmers, I would have been able, I wanted to go to Northern Iraq and Africa, and I was meeting people through that. So, I knew, I didn't actually go back to Scott, or Baylor, Scott, and White, and I was just, I was slowly feeling better. And I was just realizing, okay, maybe I can just fix it with diet and sunlight and, and try to fix it on my own.

And I started slowly feeling better. So I had, I reached back out to Rome Free Ranch, and I was going to go out [01:36:00] there in May. Which is great. So, uh, I was going to be there from May until about the end of July. And then I had three farms lined up for the rest of the year in Italy. To where I was going to go farm in Sicily, then Bologna, then Milan.

And then I was just going to travel a lot of Europe and then just keep going elsewhere. And the whole point of all of that was just reconnecting us back to our food. And giving them a voice with all that, and then just actually having videos and showcasing everything, cause that's what I realized at the beginning of sharing my story, and why it blew up, and why so many people were really, um, interested in what I was doing, because they came to the same realization that I had a year prior was, I don't know, the last time I talked to a farm or ranch, I don't remember the last time visiting one, I've been so disconnected through all of this, and food is literally what keeps us alive.

Um, So yeah, I was gonna, I had this game plan and then I was just [01:37:00] gonna recover in Austin and lay low. And then, that, at the beginning of that, cause this was now February, February was pretty rough, mentally. Um, cause I felt like such a loser. I, my Twitter was starting to pick up, but it was essentially two years now of my life, to where, I felt like I just had done nothing.

Looking back now... I was laying down that foundation, a completely new foundation, that's what I was doing through all that, but at the time, it just didn't seem like I was doing anything. And so, I remember talking to one of my good friends, Jim, and he's just, he talked sense into me, and that really helped.

And, yeah, so then, with that going forward, I was thinking, okay, I'm going to recover here and just do whatever. And so, I was staying up north Austin, there was a park nearby, and I would just hang out there during the day. And just read and try to just relax. One day as I was [01:38:00] going on a walk, just this random thought popped in my head of an apparel brand within agriculture space.

Cause I was just thinking about how humans are so tribal by nature. You can make really cool looking apparel and I mean just thinking on like Nike, they had a really clever just do it and just their whole brand and now look where they're at now. There's a lot to that. And so I started going back and doing research and realizing there's really no cool looking apparel outside of the actual branding of a farm or ranch that they've got for their own.

There's really nothing. And then a lot of the stuff that you see in, like, Tractor Supply Co. or other places, it's like that 90s deer hunting game themed, like, art style. It's just like, okay, this is severely outdated. And so I just went to Canva, made some mockups of what I wanted to do. Because I didn't have Regenasant's name at the start, that came later.

I had the idea and I just quickly made these mock ups, but then I remembered [01:39:00] that Kay Spratford, my good friend from L. A., we were actually going to start a podcast together a year ago called the Regenasant's Podcast, because I was really interested in regenerative agriculture but he has his holistic health side, and so we were going to compare, or combine that and...

Called the Regenissance podcast and then it just like clicked for me. I was like, oh, this is this is definitely it. So I reached back out to him I knew it wouldn't be an issue, but he was the one that coined that and so I was like, hey, man I've got this idea and I think Regenissance would be perfect. He said yeah So I was like, alright, so I went back to Canva.

I had the bison image and Just had actually the colors I'm wearing right now and made that mock up and I just sent it out to Everyone on my contact list essentially. And I just remember, Not a single person disliked it. And, I know they would have been honest with me. So they, Saw the direction I was headed with it, And obviously my backstory and mission with it all.[01:40:00]

And so I knew I had something there, To this, to where, Regenissance, it takes two words, Regenerative and renaissance. So regenerative agriculture, Which is becoming a much bigger thing, But also, Our bodies are so resilient and are able to regenerate itself. Renaissance. So as you've seen, liver King just explode on the scene with liver and Paul Saladino talking about organs and nose to tail, huge bone broth explosion to where you go to the stores now and there's, everyone has it.

Yeah. I think we're in a new Renaissance era of just the food, but then also from an agriculture standpoint, especially with bison because I was very intentional about the bison because They were a huge backbone to building our agriculture, infrastructure, what you would call it, or what you would want to call that, whatever.

In America, in the Great Plains days, to where we had millions roaming around, you could hear them running around from a mile away. You could go on a train in certain areas and point a gun somewhere, and if you shoot, you're most likely going to [01:41:00] hit a bison. But they almost went extinct, but now people are starting to really see...

The value in them and just how majestic they are. And so I thought that we're definitely in a new Renaissance era with them because there are also amazing creatures of regenerating our land. And so they made a lot of sense. And so I continued on with his brand. And as people started really liking this idea, I realized I had something here.

So I actually messaged. The farmer in Rome Ranch, Rome Free Ranch, and then all the Italian farmers, I'm not coming. I'm staying here. Just gonna take that risk and, you know, just burn the ships and go on with this. Because then, one of my other good buddies mentioned, he's like, Hey man, you gotta, you gotta do something about raw milk with tagline Raw's Law.

And I was, pfft, yeah. And so, I had two concepts. I had this shirt and then the Raw's Law shirt. But then I was really spinning my wheels and trying to figure out. [01:42:00] What to do because I'd never started a business yet alone apparel brand. This was probably late March. I'm just kind of spinning my wheels because there's so much apparel that I want to do, but I don't know what to, when to release and launch.

What all to release and launch with one of the people I reached out to his van man and was fortunate enough to talk on the phone with him. for like eight minutes and that answered everything. But he essentially just told me, you've got two great products with those two concepts and shirts. Start a social media ASAP.

Get the launch date and just go. Cause you will learn so much along the way. Cause you're obviously spinning your wheels. And I did exactly that. That following week, started the Regenissance social media. And, uh, was going along with all of that. The challenging thing was I still didn't have a graphic designer and I'm terrible with art.

I made the quick Canva mockup because they already had their own, uh, like they had a bison image that I could already use, so I was able to do [01:43:00] that. Fortunately, with the power of social media, I went back to L. A. and this was around that late March 2. I had met this girl through Instagram. She was in regenerative agriculture and so we met up and I was telling her my story and how I was looking for a graphic designer and she was like, hey, I've actually got a brother who's really good at Graphic design and he is also interested in that space.

Let me connect you two and sure enough He was the one that became a graphic designer made awesome mock ups for Regina Sonson, Raw's Law and That really helped a ton expedite the process along with finding Farm Fresh Because this made me start to learn about the apparel industry and how messed up it is it makes sense whenever We started outsourcing everything to Asia for cheap labor We stopped growing a lot of the cotton.

And then here comes petroleum and we use that for polyester. And now polyester is 55 percent of our apparel. It's an insane amount. [01:44:00] Cause there are, I guess you could say there are benefits. And I see why people wear stuff like polyester. Especially whenever you're athletes. It's kind of hard to make...

breathable, long lasting, good apparel out of natural fibers for that grueling work. Because that's why they make it. It's very stretchable, sweat resistant, uh, XYZ with polyester. That's why they do a lot of, and on top of it, just being insanely cheap. So I was trying to figure out, okay, I've got this brand and it's my own business.

I've got to do it the right way that I feel like it should be. So I want to do all natural fibers and I do not want to utilize China. So that was another huge challenge trying to do that in America.

Brett: Near impossible for people that don't know. Yeah, Harry and I have been doing a lot of diving into the apparel industry, partially because of you and also partially because, uh, Pete Roberts from Origin accepted to come on the podcast.

So we've been listening to a bunch of Origin stuff. And the way that we've broken the [01:45:00] back of our rancher and our food system, the same thing has been done to the jean maker and the U. S. clothing maker too. Yeah. Almost everything is from China, Middle East, et cetera.

Ryan: Yep. Yeah. So I was ordering a bunch of samples of shorts, shirts, sweatshirts.

It was really hard to find something that I could sell that's affordable. The material looks good, has the color, because I really made sure that If they didn't have this color and it looked good, then I wouldn't do it because I really liked the look of this maroon with, uh, this mustard, and everyone else seemed to really like that.

The

Brett: mustard is your calling card. How many of those individual mustard shirts do you have that you

Ryan: rotate through? I wear one every single day pretty much. Are you

Harry: only wearing renaissance these days? Oh yeah.

Ryan: I love it. If I don't wear like my African printed clothes that I wear, this is all I wear. The black African print

Harry: shirt.

Yeah. The best

Ryan: shirt of all time. Like I stopped even wearing my white and blue shirts because I wear this so

Brett: much. Yeah. [01:46:00] So you finally found someone that did the mustard print. With the red the way that popped that you loved it and is that

Ryan: that was affordable too because that was another big piece There'd be parts to where it would have the good looking colors Feels good, but I have to sell for like for shorts For example, I'd have to sell for 125 or 150 dollars just to make it a solid profit Geez, I don't want to do that for people other people that want businesses.

They can do that. That's not my I Don't want to do that. And so luckily I found farm fresh which is the shirt. I'm wearing now It's a hundred percent organic cotton Made in America. Um, and, yeah, sourced in America and made in America. And so I decided to go with that. And so I had a launch date for May 28th of this year.

As all of that was going on, my mom's stuff obviously progressed, or, I guess you'd say progressed to getting worse and worse. Mother's Day hit. And made me [01:47:00] realize how much I had suppressed all my mom's stuff. Cause here, I'm finally getting much better with my brother's stuff. I'm actually doing a business.

And the turnaround time was really quick, actually. Two and a half months, essentially, and I was really happy with that. I feel like I'm finally doing something with my life. But, yeah, Mother's Day rolls around. I knew she was dying really soon. I knew this was her last year on Earth. I thought she was gonna die last year, to be honest.

I remember it was around 10 or 11 a. m. of Mother's Day. I parked into the parking garage of Whole Foods at the Domain, and I don't know what made it happen, but as soon as I parked, my mind just went crazy to where all these images of the past of my mom happened, and then thinking about the present right now, and then realizing that there's no future with her.

And so I immediately left, and I drove for about three hours, and I was just yelling [01:48:00] and screaming and just letting it all out. And then I remember, to where I was living at that time, there was a school nearby with a track, and I was just walking around for hours, just bawling my eyes out because my mom was dying very soon.

And I also remember that day was the day I essentially said my goodbye to her. And she, I mean she knew it too based off of her response. But that, yeah, that wrecked me. And that wrecked me for the whole month of May to where I was barely doing anything outside of just trying to get the brand launched and try to get social media going.

So I'd go to this coffee shop every single day, do the work, and then just come back home and just essentially be a vegetable. I was definitely still smoking a lot of weed and trying to numb myself because, yeah, it was just obviously really hard. I had a really great mom. Um, That, Yeah, Mother's Day was [01:49:00] terrible.

Um, So continuing on, I had the launch date of May 28th, Which is Memorial Day weekend. It's that Sunday. I had it set for noon central. That Friday night, She texted me out of the blue asking for my website, which I found strange because, Before she really declined cognitively, she texted me and called me pretty much every day.

She was that type of mom. But as she declined, it had to be me doing all the outreach for the most part. So whenever she reached out for that, I was like, okay. And now I realize why she knew she was dying very soon. So Sunday rolls around. My brand launches. Really happy with my pre sale launch and everything.

I think... I did, including that day, almost 10k in sales. Yeah. So I was very happy with that, and I was just, literally, shirts. That's all I had, I had two shirts. [01:50:00] Um, so I was like, cool. And since that was Memorial Day weekend, I always see people doing cookouts. It was around 4pm, I'm about to turn right onto Mopac to head to a friend's place to cookout.

And I have on my dashboard something that I hang on my phone. And I see my aunts calling me. I knew right away what that meant, because neither of us have called each other in, probably not since we were last together with all my brother's stuff. She answers the phone, and she says it to the best of her ability, and my mom died.

So that was just wild. Here, I am at the highest point of my life, arguably, because I just went through fucking hell of an 18 months. Not thinking ever in my life that I'd ever start a business. Two and a half months I started a business, really successful pre launch, and just amazing support to one of the second lowest point in my life in hearing about my mom passing.[01:51:00]

This is also what's crazy about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger because it's so true. Because it obviously sucked. It was way worse seeing the condition she was in the last year and a half before she passed. But this is also why it's important to have really good friends, because I went to that cookout eventually, but then after that, that's when I went to your guys house.

And so, yeah, that's just... Having that massive support makes a world of difference. Especially comparing then to the months after my brother passed, and just where I was at mentally. So I went to the funeral and that's actually the first, you know, I've ever gone to to where I felt for the most part at peace and it was a very beautiful celebration.

Just hearing all the stories people had to share Because talking about angels she she was definitely a guardian angel I [01:52:00] mean Growing up and in college and whatnot I stopped talking to her as much because she was quite overbearing with a lot of stuff and she wanted To be up in all of my business, but it's, it's just her being her.

Um, fortunately the last three or four years of us together was amazing. But she was just such a kind and caring person. And so just hearing one of the stories was just from one of her old students. And it was just beautiful. So that was great, um, overall for the most part. I mean obviously she's. Gone, but come back here and, you know, just try to get back to the swing of things.

For the most part, things were, were good. Um, I still realized I had suppressed a lot of things, but things were getting better with Regenesance. At the start of the Regenesance 2, because right now, as of [01:53:00] today, Regenesance mainly stands for reconnecting us back to our health with, uh, Our food production and just talking about the food system at the start.

I took the holistic approach of it's not just your diet It's your sleep stress grounding sunlight movement It was a whole lot of things And I was trying to write about all of that and it didn't it felt okay, but it still didn't feel true to myself and Then I had this life changing experience Like a month and a half ago to where there's this Bitcoin an entrepreneurial event.

Hmm and Jeff Booth was there I knew who he was, but I didn't know the full extent of who he was, because he's really well known in the Bitcoin space. Incredibly successful business man, and he's also one of the greatest human beings I've ever met. So, I remember we were sitting at a park, Clay Fink asked him a question about, just him starting his business and some of the failures and just leading up to, uh, his big business.

And just hearing him talk, I realized how much of a genuine [01:54:00] person he was. And so I started just asking questions about his upbringing and, and what not. And that led to just talking about family. Because the month of June made me realize the family that helped raise me won't, my dad's still here, but my mom and brother obviously won't be here for whenever I raise my family.

And that was hitting me really hard. I didn't know how to really... Go about all of that and so I'd still have a lot of daily negative thoughts and weren't obviously always about my mother and brother But they're the root of everything So I was talking to Jeff booth just having this open conversation because he had lost a sibling too and At his age I was just like okay, man, this guy is the real deal.

I gotta ask how he manages that stuff So the next day rolls around and we're sitting there Had the most raw conversation possible with a guy that I barely had just [01:55:00] met a day before and It changed my perception of everything with my family So essentially I was just asking how the heck do you cope with all that cuz I'm huge in the history and especially military history.

I Tried watching save it private Ryan three different times The first time, a certain scene happened, I almost threw up, I started crying, I had to turn it off, I gave it a week later, I went back, and the same thing happened, had to stop, third time happened, and I was like, okay, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to watch this movie or anything military related, and I was telling him things like that, and he was like, it's because you're holding on to those negative emotions, and you want to hold on to those, and you're just really focusing in on that, and he flipped the script, he thought, Think about if you're the one that died and your brother's alive, how would you want him to live?

And then you're just talking about focus on all the love and the good things that you saw in them and live through them. I've heard that before and [01:56:00] that's why I don't know if it's just at that moment how he said it and just where my head was thinking that immediately clicked. To where it made so much sense and 95 percent of the negative thoughts went away immediately.

Um, to where I'm really more at peace with. All of that jazz, um, And actually it was a couple days ago, I was dropping off a package, an order, Uh, for my shirts at the USPS store, And I held the door for an elderly lady, And she mentioned, Your mom raised you right, And then I was just like, she sure did, And I had the biggest grin on my face, And, Normally I would have probably felt a lot of sadness, I mean there's some sadness obviously, but, For the most part, I just felt joy.

And it was all because of that conversation I had with Jeff. And, yeah man, now, it's just been incredible since that, because they also heard when I was explaining my story, because I asked for feedback from everyone there, and they were just like, focus [01:57:00] in on the agriculture and broken food system piece, and start a podcast.

And so that's exactly what I did, and I pivoted to that, to where, I've got my clothing line, with my hats, shorts, and shirts, but then I stopped doing that for the time being, and going all in on this podcast. Because... Going back to the God given strengths, that's just who I am is just connecting with people.

It's how I've always been. I, I don't know how else to really explain that. And so doing this podcast made a lot of sense of just reaching out to people and talking to them. And so far that's been incredible. Um, cause it's not just wanting to talk to farmers and ranchers. There's so much that goes into all this.

Even just education, legislation, laws, uh, land management, processing. I mean, there's... Consulting. I want to talk to all of that and paint the full picture of how we got here. Because... There's a lot of greenwashing going on too. Uh, like the new Uncommon Ground documentary I'm not so happy [01:58:00] about. So there's a lot of stuff like that being thrown out there.

It's really hard for the common people to truly understand what's going on. So that's what I hope for the podcast is painting that full picture. And yeah, just shedding light to all of that. And now we're here in this podcast talking to you guys. Dude,

Harry: I just want to say, like, the, you described your brother's spirit as a warrior spirit, but just like through the past two years, like that's what you've personified.

It's like through all the negativity that could have slowed you down and stopped you, you've just kept going. And I just admire you so much as a friend for doing that. And I'm so excited that you have the Regenissance, and now you have the Regenissance podcast. Like, there's so much to be proud of that.

In everything that you've done, and just like, where you're at now, it just seems like you're just exactly where you need to be. So, I just wanted to say that, cause, you know, you obviously had a lot of time to tell your testimony there. [01:59:00] I just think it's such a powerful story. And we're just honored to be, play a small part in it, dude.

Ryan: Thanks man, I appreciate that. Yeah. I will say too with that, that was the thing that was, uh, when I was in those dark times after Tyler died, I realized just the path I was heading down was just complete escapism, and I was just thinking about legacies, but also just, I want a family. If I want a family, and I'm still the type of person I am right now with all those things that I'm doing to myself, that's just not, that's, I'm trying to think of the best way to phrase it.

That's just poor planning and just would be so bad for my future wife and kids. And so, I wanted to do that deep work. Because also, I just went through all that stuff with my brother. I'd just be pissing on his grave if I didn't make something of my life. That's actually the last words I said to him. Was I'm gonna make us, I'm gonna make something out of myself.

[02:00:00] Not just for me, but for us. And I will always make that promise.

Brett: Do we do the game?

Harry: Yeah. I

Brett: think we have to. So the game that we have for this is um, So obviously I think one of the central themes to this episode is the role that Twitter has played in your life and the people and the relationships. So we asked some people that we know that you're close to and we're close to just to send Oh crap.

Just quick messages on like what they think about you and what you mean to them. So we're going to read it. We're going to read it out. The

Harry: title of this game is which Twitter mutual is this? All right. So this is the first one. Ryan is someone who leads with warmth and love, but the more you get to know him, you find that the source of that warmth comes from having faced some very difficult things in life.

There's nothing more powerful than a man on a mission. And that's Ryan unbreakable or unstoppable and unbreakable. [02:01:00] Who do you think it was? I honestly have

Ryan: no clue. That's great though. Kellen. Haha.

Brett: I feel like it's going to be impossible to guess who wrote. No, it is. Should we do a quote and then say who said it?

Yes. Okay, cool. I have a, this one's lengthy, but I think it's worth it. I think it's super nice. It's incredible. Alright, so this is lengthy, but it's beautiful. This is it. Ryan is in a very fascinating spot right now. The spot where you can start drawing some envy in public through some of your success, but you can't seem to be able to tell if you're really making an impact through your work.

In short, he is able to get called lucky by many people who don't really know him in the upcoming year or so. But like, just like in most cases, Ryan is anything but lucky with the conventional sense of having the things that are currently present in his life handed out to him. Like most people, he will inevitably become successful.

He has run out of the things he could use as excuses in order to give up a long time ago. And to be honest, no one would [02:02:00] blame him if he chose to do so. But his God given stubbornness, intelligence, friends, and a tiny bit of self faith have carried him in a very long way. And just like the people who are sitting in front of him, he managed to not only get past the long troubles that he's faced for years and become a better man, Uh, for himself, but he is also managing to help many others through his quite unique improvement.

He's the type of guy I'd call at 4am, and is a living embodiment of the Latin phrase, Per ardua ad astra, which means, through adversity to the stars. If you use it, you can scratch whatever you don't like, or use the final part. But his God given stubbornness, intelligence, friends, and a tiny bit of self faith have carried him in a long way.

Oh, so, so he, that was him trying to tone it back, but that was from George. So George is Italian, so that was really nice. That's awesome. And a lot of it was true. I've got one

Harry: more. Ryan is an amazing example of taking something that would break most. The loss. [02:03:00] Of his mother and brother and using it to propel him and making a difference in the world.

There is your Jenison's brand. His genuineness and willingness to help others is admirable. I'm glad that I'm able to call him my

Brett: friend. And I'll read one more too. This is from Michael Amons. That was from Earthboppy by the

Harry: way.

Brett: That was Earthboppy. We didn't ask Sir Barefoot, we should have asked Sir Barefoot.

Ah yeah, true. He's a man. Okay, so Michael said. I was once talking to a mentor about some major life changes I was making, and he said, quote, You're transmuting your pain into your purpose, end quote. When I think of Ryan, he embodies this affirmation at the deepest level straight to his core. He's an incredible man who has been put through the ringer, yet he continues to push forward when many would falter.

How often do we see people face a fraction of the difficulty that Ryan has faced over the last several years and give up, turning to various coping mechanisms in order to hide from the pain? Not Ryan. He has chosen To harden the emotional turmoil he's been through and channel it into an idea that the world can be a better place.

That perhaps [02:04:00] through his actions, he can manifest change such that others may not have to endure the suffering that he has. The strength and resilience required to maintain this attitude brings tears to my eyes, and I aspire to embody to it someday. I am incredibly proud to call Ryan Griggs a friend and a brother.

Ryan: Those are great. Yeah. Thank you for sharing man. We've

Harry: got a few more that we can share with you, but I think, um, in the interest of time, you know, your story is just something that I think is going to live on through the brand that you create with the regenescence and the more time and energy that you invest in that, like, it's just going to continue to share this story of healing.

Like you said, the two pieces, regenerative agriculture and the renaissance. I know Brett and I just, like, love seeing the brand everywhere. We see it online and we're just like, it's spreading. So, um, truly incredible to see what you're doing with what the hand that has been dealt. And I just see so [02:05:00] many of God's blessings just on the trajectory that you're on.

It's unbelievable. So, appreciate you coming on today. Um, I think that those final, final words from our Twitter mutuals were a perfect way to cap it. Um, I just appreciate you, dude. You're doing great work, man. Love you, brother. Thanks

Brett: for doing this.