MAFIA MOMENTS: Think and Grow Rich, Mastering Relationships with Gregg Schoenberg
Download MP3Welcome back to another episode of the Meat Mafia podcast. On today's episode, we had on our good friend, Greg Schoenberg. And today's episode is a mafia moments where we take a small clip from an episode from past episodes. So this was from episode 196 with Greg Schoenberg. And in this episode, we discussed the concept of etiquette alpha, which is the way Greg describes it is it's this concept that revolves on the idea that there are untapped resources of advantage and success to be gained by practicing good etiquette and just being a considerate person.
Speaker 1:In an age of increasing informality and transactional communication, putting in an extra effort to be respectful and build genuine connections can truly set you apart. One of the things that we're really passionate about here at the Meat Mafia is building genuine connection but also building community, and that doesn't happen without true thoughtfulness and prioritizing the right patterns of communication. So Greg does an amazing job breaking this concept down, this concept of etiquette alpha, but he also dives into some frameworks and some systems that he uses. And if you really wanna take a deep dive into that, I highly recommend going to listen to episode 196. That's a full length episode with Greg.
Speaker 1:Also, if you guys haven't checked it out already, we have a thriving Telegram community that is gonna be linked in the show and show notes, and that Telegram community is just for you guys. It's only for the listeners of the podcast, and it's a great way to communicate with us every single day of the week 247. And what we love about that is it allows you guys to give us questions for us to communicate on a regular basis, to give insights into certain episodes, to ask us questions about health and wellness related topics. It's truly one of our favorite aspects of the show. It's a little bit of a hidden gem because we haven't been talking about it too much.
Speaker 1:So please go check that out in the show notes. And without further ado, Greg Schillenberg.
Speaker 2:Etiquette Alpha. Thank you very much. There's a lot
Speaker 3:read a book on that.
Speaker 2:I I appreciate that. Yeah. Brett Brett mentioned that me. There is a lot of alpha to be found in adhering to proper etiquette. And, you know, and this is a, a concept that I've sharpened a bit ever since I started hanging around with Ari Meisel, who I know you guys recently had on the show.
Speaker 2:Ari is a wonderful guy. And we're going by the way, we're gonna be doing a podcast together as well.
Speaker 3:Looking forward to hearing all about that.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that Ari has talked about is the transactional nature of emailing and texting. And I would also add DMing. Right? And I think that has pervaded our culture where, you know, there is a sense of informality that permeates the way in which a lot of people engage with each other now. And yet I had this rule, and I still have this rule, that if one of you, for example, takes the time to call me, Right?
Speaker 2:And I can't pick up or whatever and I see that you called. The right thing to do is not send you a text back saying, hey, what's up? The right thing to do is for me to call you back because you chose, you know, speaking to me as the mechanism that you wanted to engage me with. And by me changing that, I'm essentially saying you're not worth a phone call, but I will text you back because you're worth something to me. Right?
Speaker 2:So I believe that you can always elevate up. Whereas if you text me, it's perfectly appropriate for me to call you. But if you call me, it is not appropriate for me to text you. Mhmm. Because that's a sign of respect if I am elevating the mechanism through which I communicate back to you.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. And it is a sign, even though maybe you don't mean it that way, of disrespect if you choose to downgrade the mechanism of communication. So that's one. Another one, is around how you use your network and how other people use their network on your behalf. Right?
Speaker 2:So let's say you guys didn't know each other. Right? And Harry and I, you you and I knew each other for a long period of time. And I said, oh, there's this awesome dude, Brett, who you need to meet. I'm gonna shoot you shoot an email introducing you to, and, you know, you guys should go and have coffee.
Speaker 2:So I make that introduction. You have coffee with Brett. And then you don't let me know that you had coffee with Brett. And you don't give me a summary of it. Right?
Speaker 2:That says to me, a lot about how much you care about me by not taking the time to let me know that you finally connected with Brett.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:If on the other hand, you call me or email me and you say, I met Brett. He's an awesome dude. Who knows? Maybe we'll start a podcast together. I feel like you've treated my decision to introduce you to very, very well and you've shown me respect in the process of of letting me know.
Speaker 2:I have found time and time again that I make introductions to people and I have no idea what happens as a result of those introductions.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:And when people don't bother to close off the circle, I think they are doing so at their own risk. Because even if I haven't processed it in, you know, in in such a overt way, I'm gonna think to myself, you know, I don't know if I'm gonna introduce Harry to more people.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Right? Whereas if you take good care of that introduction, I am absolutely positively going to be more inclined to make other introductions for you.
Speaker 3:It's such a good point. And and Brett said, the etiquette alpha. And the alpha part is speaks to what you're talking about where it's just putting a little bit of effort in there. And you're actually gonna create, you know, continued relationship that we've developed in that scenario. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And And look.
Speaker 2:Let let let's let's be real here. Everybody is looking for alpha throughout their careers. Right? If you are gunning for success, right, you are looking for alpha. And the interesting that I find is that a very large percentage of people are looking for love in all the wrong places.
Speaker 2:Right? They're looking for alpha where everyone else is looking for alpha Mhmm. As opposed to etiquette. Right? There is not a lot of people who who take the intentionality to etiquette as I do and as I think you guys do.
Speaker 2:And therefore, there is alpha to be had there. Right? Most of the time, the alpha is not hiding so much as people are not thinking in as creative a way as they could be around where to find it. But alpha is everywhere. You just gotta find it.
Speaker 4:Greg, talk to us about the power and pain that comes from the handwritten note.
Speaker 2:There's power and pain that comes from handwritten notes. You are, I mean, first of all, well articulated. So, you know, the person who I learned this from originally was George H. W. Bush, right, who was a legendary, writer of notes.
Speaker 2:And he was constantly writing them throughout his career. He was writing them to Maureen Dowd, a famous columnist who was brutal on him. He would write her notes like, really got me on that one. Like he he he wrote notes to everybody. There is such an incredible power associated with taking the time to find the stationary, to find a proper pen, to get somebody's address, to actually write the note, to put a stamp on it, to mail it.
Speaker 2:It is a lot of lot of pain, but it's it's to the point where when I do it, and I don't do it every day, but when I do it, I almost think to myself, you know, I could just write the the alphabet on this note. The impact of it would be the exact same. It's the process of going through that much trouble to write somebody a handwritten note. That is the most important point. And I do think there is a lot of alpha.
Speaker 2:I could almost guarantee you guys if from this day forward and again, I realize that time is scarce, so you're not gonna do this. But if this day forward, you wrote handwritten notes to anybody who you spent more than 15 minutes with, it would pay dividends for you over time.
Speaker 3:Is there anyone in particular that you've connected with over the decades that you've been just on your path, that you that comes to mind that you're proud that you developed and nurtured the relationship in a way? Like, maybe just paid a little bit more attention to some of these details that you're talking about? And it was, like, 1 or 2 things that you did that really helped build that relationship.
Speaker 2:I mean, there there was one guy who I used to work with, on Wall Street, and I found out that, he I knew he was having a rough period. He had been laid off, and he really liked single malt. And I knew nothing about scotch. And, I also knew his birthday was coming up. And so I took the time to research scotches and then write him a handwritten note about how, you know, something cliched, like, you know, like with age, you're only getting better with time or some nonsense like that.
Speaker 2:But I I think he was very touched by that. Yeah. And I actually need to he he's on my c list. I need to reach out to him because I haven't spoken to him in a while. But there are a lot of people I would like to think who have been the recipient of kind of the random act of, of of contact that I, ultimately do.
Speaker 2:And I'd I'd like to think, you know, in my funeral one day, people are gonna be like, you know, Greg cared. And I saw that in all sorts of little weird quirky ways about the things he sent me or just the random call that he put into me, for who knows what reason just to shoot the breeze.
Speaker 4:What's amazing about this is it's actually empowering because the bar has never been lower for etiquette alpha. Never. In this age of text messages, you know, social media apps, people can't even look you in the eye to have a conversation. Everything you're saying is things that anyone can start doing today. It's all controllable.
Speaker 4:Takes a little bit of extra effort because such a long way.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I'm glad that you brought that up. Let me ask you guys something. Either of you guys ever been to the dentist?
Speaker 4:Yes. Yes.
Speaker 2:You both have been to the dentist. We have. Unbelievable. Very, very Surprising, I know.
Speaker 3:Not recently.
Speaker 2:Okay. So let me ask you. In your, now that I know that, you know, you guys know about this stuff, when you have gone to the dentist, do you just show up at the dentist and say, doc, I'm here. Please help me with my teeth?
Speaker 3:No. You have to make an appointment. You have
Speaker 2:to make an appointment. Okay. And do you go at the appointment time or do you just kind of use it as a as a BS thing and you go anytime you want? Go
Speaker 4:with the appointment time.
Speaker 2:Right. So you schedule it.
Speaker 4:Schedule it.
Speaker 2:Why do you schedule it?
Speaker 4:To show respect, and they have a busy schedule, and they're offering us a service.
Speaker 2:So you're allocating time Mhmm. Because it's important. And you know that if you don't schedule it, the ability to actually get to the dentist, it's probably not gonna happen. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing. We're having this great conversation. People are gonna be like, oh, you know, maybe there's something to everything that they're talking about. The etiquette, the handwritten thank you notes, the keeping a relationship matrix, the, you know, whole idea around not, you know, degrading the way in which you communicate with somebody based upon the way in which they reach out. It all makes good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm gonna incorporate that. If you do not schedule it, if you do not make the time, it doesn't happen. Mhmm. Right? I forgot exactly how the phrase goes, but like, if you wanna really understand where someone's priorities are, look at their schedule.
Speaker 2:Right? It's like, you know, looking who they hang out with and whatever, but look at their schedule. Right? Most people don't go to the next step, which is the scheduling, which is why I can be confident in knowing that even though we're having this discussion and I'm sharing a lot of these, you know, bits of alpha with you, most people won't take advantage of them because it will ultimately just fall by the wayside as most things do. And, you know, you'll be saying, yeah, I'm gonna do that schedule.
Speaker 2:And then you get a text from somebody and you forget about it and you don't go back to it.
Speaker 3:How do you become more conscious with time and actually start incorporating scheduling time into your routine? Because it's like I mean, it's like anything. Right? Like the gym. You know, sometimes there's, like, that initial, like, friction.
Speaker 3:You get into the gym, you get into the flow of going, and it becomes easier. But I don't know. I I think there's something about scheduling time and being more thoughtful about how you spend it that, you know, a lot of people can benefit from. So, you know, I in in most of
Speaker 2:the things that I care about in life, I have an algorithm for them. Right?
Speaker 1:Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. And, again, if you guys wanna listen to the full length of this episode, go to episode 196. It is linked in the show notes. And until next time, meme mafia.
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