MAFIA MOMENTS: Michael Bosstick - Porn & Dating Apps are Ruining Relationships
Download MP3I think porn and the apps have been detrimental to people's happiness and well-being as it relates to relationships.
Speaker 2:Scheduled. Tell him.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to another episode of the Meet Mafia podcast. On today's episode, we are running back part 2 of the series that we are calling mafia moments. And if you missed last week's Friday episode, let me give you the rundown. We are doing mafia moments, which is us going back throughout the course of the history of the entire show. We're pulling out 20 to 30 minute nugget these golden nugget pieces of content from some of the best episodes we've ever done.
Speaker 3:We're serving them up to you on a silver platter and spoon feeding them to you every single Friday at 5 AM. You're gonna be getting the best moments from the history of the entire show. Now we were pumped to release this episode because we are releasing a clip from our podcast with Michael Bostic, which is episode number 229. That's 229. If you haven't listened to this full episode yet, we highly encourage you to go back and listen to it.
Speaker 3:Michael is an entrepreneur here in Austin, Texas who launched Dear Media with his life, his wife, Lauren. And we were just intensely curious about figuring out what has made Michael so successful, what has given him this drive, this ability to form habits and continue to push his life forward. And it was truly encouraging listening to him talk because we found several moments where he referred to his relationships with his family, his wife, and and just building this integrated life that has been able to support itself and just continue to evolve into this amazing thing. So we're super pumped to have Michael on. We really think this clip does a great job of encapsulating how Michael has been successful over the long course of his entrepreneurial career, and we're super excited to call him a friend at this point.
Speaker 3:So without further ado, Michael Bostick.
Speaker 2:How much how helpful was it finding, like, your life partner and Lauren at a really young age?
Speaker 1:I mean, I think that's everything. Right? Mhmm. And I count myself very lucky. You know, when I again, I'll talk about my dad a little more.
Speaker 1:My dad got married in his forties. He had me at 42, 43. So this guy was fucking nuts for for years. He was just running around partying, doing things. Yeah.
Speaker 1:He's being a nut. You know? But I won't put him on blast too much. But, again, when you're a young man and the man in your the main guy in your life, that's the example. I figured that's probably what I would do is I would go.
Speaker 1:I'd be single for a long time and follow that path. And I met Lauren when we were 12. And, you know, I know this sounds corny, but, like, it was like love at first sight, and we, you know, spent a lot of time together. And then right after college at 20, we got back together and been together ever since. It is so hard to build a business on your own.
Speaker 1:It is so hard to build a life on your own, you know? And I think people don't realize like how distracting the dating world can be. I see it with my friends. I see a lot of people. It's like, when I was lucky enough that I found a partner that was very like minded and Lauren and I was talking about this.
Speaker 1:We're pushing the same boulder up the same hill. The finances are in the same household, so they grow exponentially. We are managing our money and, and our family in, with, in the same kind of, you know, vision, same kind of way. And I don't have the distractions of running around chasing girls in the in the bars. I don't have the distractions of being out late.
Speaker 1:I, you know, am fortunate that I get to work with someone that's building a similar business to me with me. And so I think because of that, we've been able to kind of exponentially grow. The reverse of that is, and I don't want to give anybody bad advice is imagine you get into a poor relationship and like that can have the exact opposite effect. But as it relates to Lauren and I, I think it's been a huge benefit, not only for a support system, but it's just eliminated all of the typical distractions that I think young men go through.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And part of why I was asking you that question is it seems like the last 10 years, there's been this misconception that's been taught that if you want a great career and also a great marriage, those things are almost mutually exclusive. And, like, you know, you need to grind or go to monk mode or whatever you wanna call it and, like, you know, just date around. And to your point, it's like, do you know how much effort it actually is to, like, date around now in modern times? Like, how much energy and money and time that you're wasting?
Speaker 1:No. No. I see. Listen again. I haven't I missed the whole online dating era.
Speaker 1:I didn't have any of the apps. So I, you know, a lot of you guys that are in it, like, I I I don't know what I'm what I don't know. But I see my friends that are going through it and it seems exhausting. Right. It seems.
Speaker 1:And I also feel like, you know, back when I was dating and maybe this is going to age me a bit. It's like I didn't have an app that I could swipe to 14 girls. Right. Or in women, 14 guys. Right.
Speaker 1:It was like, if I got 1 or 2, I was like, okay, I gotta, I gotta focus here. I gotta lock in. Right. It's gonna take me a while to find another one. And so I can only imagine now with the abundance.
Speaker 1:Of options, how distracting that can be and how hard it is to actually zone in and be like, okay, this is the person that I'm going to focus my attention on. And for me again, like, I just think I haven't had that distraction. So when I imagine you get rid of all of that stuff, which let's be honest, it's pursuing women's is a is a full time thing for young men. Right? Like, you're like, you know, I get it.
Speaker 1:Don't don't get me wrong. But, I don't have now that distraction where I have to wake up and think about it or maybe hungover from the night before chasing what like, I just, you know, wake up. All that stuff's kinda taken care of, and I can focus on the business and the family and the stuff that I need to focus on.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It seems like, there's a lot of bad advice out there too around dating too, where it's like, you know, I think the apps kinda just, like, change the expectations of what women are looking for too, whether it's just like, oh, like, you know, you have an abundance of options and you can kinda just, like, pick and choose and, like, put together your character almost like in a video game. It's like, that's not really reality.
Speaker 1:I think porn and the apps have been detrimental to people's happiness and well-being as it relates to relationships. And I think again, like I grew up in the era where if you found a dirty magazine or some VHS, like you were hiding that in the men in black tape and like hoping nobody found it. And that was like your goal. That was like your thing. Right.
Speaker 1:A friend of mine did that. So I just,
Speaker 3:definitely wasn't you though.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Just throwing
Speaker 3:them under the bus.
Speaker 1:They were just told that story. But, again, like I think this endless optionality or thinking I would say it a different way. Thinking you have endless optionality is a trap. Right? I think it like focusing down on one person that you're really into or you know, and then listen, I'm not saying everybody has to go be monogamous and not date.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying if all you're doing all day is scrolling and then you're you're hitting your dopamine levels by watching porn And you're you're doing all these things that take you out of your your presence and take you out of focus and and and distract you. Like, it it's gonna be really difficult for you to get ahead. And I think people are struggling to find meaningful relationships because they feel if if something's not going exactly how they want it to go right from the start, they could just swipe to the next one where it was a more than I have trouble all the time. We struggle all the time, but we're committed to solving those problems together as they arise. Right?
Speaker 1:Like we just got back. We're both jet lag. We have young kids. They're not sleeping and, you know, we're ripping each other's heads off. But we know at the end of the day, we're gonna stop.
Speaker 1:You know, we don't have any other options. We're gonna come to the table and solve it together where I I fear that with some of these other things and some of these other options, people feel like, oh, I'll just jump to the next thing.
Speaker 2:Right. And I've also heard you say too, in addition to that, that it's important for men to ask themselves the question of, like, am I actually a value add to society? Am I actually becoming a value add? And there's this endless optionality, but men aren't asking themselves that question. We had Tucker Max on the podcast, and when he was going through that phase of his life where he was kinda getting out of the dating scene and wanted to settle down with someone, the his psychologist had to make a list of care all these different characteristics of what he wanted in a woman.
Speaker 2:So, like, physical, mental, spiritual, whatever. And then he had this really tough realization of, like, well, if a woman was to make these characteristics for herself, would I actually match up to that? Am I actually a man of value? And I don't think young men are really asking themselves that question anymore, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:Yeah. No. I think this is a this is a big one. You know, I some I'll I'll just pick on men. Some men are delusional on the type of woman they think they can get.
Speaker 1:It's like the competition is high boys. Right? You gotta you got, are you in shape? Are you eating well? Like, are you well educated?
Speaker 1:I hate to break it to the guys over 30, but if you're over 30 and you've been in your looks have carried you forward for a long time, like that's not going to keep carrying you forward. You have to be interesting. Right? There's younger guys than you. There's better looking guys than you.
Speaker 1:I think that if you are not somebody with integrity and not somebody that people would want to do business with or be in a relationship with, like, I think, again, you're gonna struggle. And so, you know, we put all these and I think this goes for women too. You put all these high demands on the partner that you're looking for, but you don't sit and ask the question, am I integrity with myself? Am I holding myself to the same account that I'm, that I'm looking for in a partner? And so for me, it's less about going to Lauren and saying like, I need you to do these things.
Speaker 1:It's more about like, am I doing those things? Right. And I always find it funny, you know, when people struggle to get in a relationship and they are constantly blaming the other people when their their personal life is in shambles. Right? Like, if you're not, if you're not holding yourself to that standard, why would you expect anybody else to take you seriously?
Speaker 2:A 100%.
Speaker 3:I don't know how to ask this question without a potentially sounding weird, but
Speaker 1:that's all right. Let's get weird. Let's get weird.
Speaker 3:So your first episode of the podcast, your sister was on the show. Yeah. How much of that has relationship, like, having a sister helped you kind of, like, understand this whole world of, like, the male female dynamic and actually just being able to navigate above, like, the status quo and kinda like where society has driven the male female dynamic?
Speaker 1:Well, I think, you know, having sisters, obviously, growing up, I'm the older brother. You're you're protective. You see how men treat your younger sister. You know, you, you, you obviously recognize that I have a daughter now too. And I was, you know, I think
Speaker 3:that'll change the game.
Speaker 1:That'll change the game. Yeah. But no, I don't think it's. I don't think it was my sister so much as I just realized from an early age. And I think, again, this is giving Lauren a lot of credit where if I didn't, if I, if I didn't conduct myself or, or don't conduct myself the way that I do with her, like she would not be an option for me.
Speaker 1:And I know that firmly and and and her as well. Right? Like, I think this is another thing that people get in trouble in relationships. Like, I don't fuck around on Lauren. She doesn't fuck around on me.
Speaker 1:We're very blunt with each other. We have conversations. We hold each other to an account. Like, if if I'm not taking care of myself, she's gonna call me on it vice versa. And I think I just we just know from an we knew from an early age when we got in this relationship.
Speaker 1:It's like we're both holding ourselves to the standard. And if we fall below that standard, then we're not gonna continue in the relationship. And so, again, I think it's when you start to get serious with someone, it's okay to sit down and say, like, this is my standard. Right? Like, you know, this is what I expect, co parenting.
Speaker 1:This is what I expect in managing the business. This is what I expect finances. This is where I want our life to go. This is, you know, what I consider infidelity and what I don't. Right?
Speaker 1:Because I know there's all sorts of people that have different perspectives on that. But for Lauren and I, we talked about it. Like, as soon as we knew the standard and that that's the bar, like, we just hold ourselves to it. Mhmm. And I don't think enough people, you know, do that in relationships.
Speaker 2:Totally. As a dad, is it even possible to explain to non dads like ourselves how much having kids actually changes you as a man?
Speaker 1:I don't think so without sounding like an asshole. Because, you know, you get those people like, oh, you never know how much you can love something until you have it. That's true. It really is. Like, I I started crying when both my kids were born, and and I don't cry that easily.
Speaker 1:I also think it's the first time you may do this in a relationship, but it's the first time where you absolutely care about something more than yourself. Like, it's just like, there's not there's there's not a question of, like, when my kids get sick, it's I wish that I could take all of that sickness to me. I just, you know, I also think a lot of people get scared of having children because they think it's gonna slow you down. And it can if you don't set up proper systems, which I'm happy to talk about. But you will never be more driven and have more purpose than when you're when you have a family of your own.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Right? And, you know, I think I heard Elon Musk saying this the other day with, like, all the success he's had and all the, you know, business he's built. He said nothing in his life has given him more happiness than having children. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And I would agree with that sentiment. And so, you know, I don't wanna sit here and say say to every young guy that or girl that doesn't have children, like, this is the thing. But in my case, like, the cliches have been true. It is a thing. And it and it's helped me focus more on what's important, and it's given me more purpose in in building the things that I've been building.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. What are some of those systems that you've put into place that kinda just help you focus on spending time with your family, spending time in the business, doing all the right things to just continue to live a great life?
Speaker 1:Well, first, you, your time is much more constricted. So, which I don't think is a bad thing. Because I think, you know, when I was sing, I'll just say when I was single, you, you kind of go through life and it's like, you set your day up. It's these guys with the 18 hour morning routines, right? Like, like I don't have the luxury anymore.
Speaker 2:Red lighting their balls for an hour a day.
Speaker 1:What I commit to now is very intentional because if it's taking me away from my children, then I need to make sure that it's worth that time exchange. Right? Also, it's just the fact I don't have as much time because I'm spending time with my children. So if I have that hour, I can't lollygag around. I have to actually like be effective during that hour.
Speaker 1:So I'm much more intentional using it. Lauren and I are fortunate enough. We're not shy about this. We both work at the same time and work the same. So we have obviously employed nannies to help us when we travel here.
Speaker 1:And again, like, that has that has enabled us to go and, you know, continue to do the podcast and continue to run the businesses. And that's something I don't think enough people talk about is you also have to be a happy person yourself. If I wasn't doing the podcast and running the business, I may not be a happy person, which I think puts me in a position to not be as great of a dad, because if you're miserable in life and you're bringing that energy back to the house, then, that's gonna rub off on the children. Right. So, you know, even though there's a monetary exchange in order to be able to employ that service to me, you know, it's getting me some of my time back.
Speaker 1:It's getting me some of my happiness back. I also think that, you know, with children, you are able to be a little bit more thoughtful about the resources. And we could talk about finances a bit. Like, it's no longer just for Lauren and I. We're not, you know, using it just for ourselves.
Speaker 1:You're starting to think like, okay, what's a smart way to secure our children's future, you know, without growing too little assholes. Right? Like they're gonna have to work and stuff. But, you know, what am I doing with this to, you know, set my family up for future success? God forbid something happens.
Speaker 1:So I just think it's a it's a full shift in the way that you conduct yourself, the way you manage your time, the way you think about resources, the reason that you give yourself for doing things where, you know, when you're just building it for yourself, especially for the young guys out there, maybe you're just, you know, like, Hey, I want to like chase a little more pussy and have some fun. And so I need some money to do that. Where if you're a dad and you have responsibilities, you just you might have to think about it a little bit of a different way.
Speaker 2:Yeah. There's you know, we I come from New York. Harry comes from Boston, and there's definitely this thing going on, you know, any city, even LA too with millennials where it's almost, like, the cool thing to to tell people that you don't wanna get married and have kids. And I think one of the things we're learning through the show is, you know, meeting with older, more successful people. It's, like, that's the ultimate reward in life.
Speaker 2:And I just think about how many people are you know, we're just being taught the wrong things by society and just walking down the wrong direction. And I think about, like, the way that you're explaining how much purpose you've gotten from getting married and having kids, and, like, you just think about the people that are missing out on that because they're just being told that those aren't the right things.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll I'll again, I think it's hard to tell people that are inexperienced. Listen, not to knock their their, their, intelligence, but it's hard to tell people that are inexperienced in life what to value. I mean, you couldn't have told me. Right? Like that there's just you that's what happens when you're young.
Speaker 1:You're you're arrogant to think you know everything. And it it hasn't been until I've gotten a little older. I I think I know some things, but there's so much that I don't know. But what I will tell you from my own experience is I did all the things. Lauren and I had all the success.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I was financially stable at a very young age and able to experience many of the fineries in life early. And we did it all. And what happens is, you know, it starts to have diminishing returns where it's like, okay, maybe you maybe you go on this this fabulous vacation 1 year and you're like, wow, this is the best thing I've ever done. Do the same thing the next year. Like, oh, it's pretty good.
Speaker 1:But I need to up it a notch because it's called experience stretching. I want to up it a notch because I did that last year and it's gotta be better this year. And you do that 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 times. And I remember sitting with Lauren and we were in the south of France and I looked around and said, listen, we're gonna be in the same fucking place doing the same fucking thing, maybe with a nicer bottle of wine and a bigger hotel suite next year, but it's gonna be the same thing. And I'm bored.
Speaker 1:Like, this is boring. This is not gonna drive happiness. This is gonna have diminishing returns. What do we do with our lives? And we decided to build a family.
Speaker 1:And now what happens is you get to experience all these things, but from a different perspective, a different reason, a different lens. You have other people that are now it's just it's it's just creates more purpose. So I think when you're young, you're thinking like, I don't ever need this, but imagine doing the same thing. If I give everybody all the resources in the world, you're doing this for 30 years, you're gonna be bored. And I see this a lot, unfortunately, with a lot of my single friends that have made it into their forties, fifties, sixties.
Speaker 1:It's like, at some point, you're the old guy at the party Mhmm. Or the old girl. And that's not a cool look anymore.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Are there any experiences that you had from your childhood that you wanna make sure or, like, hope that your kids eventually have?
Speaker 1:I think I was a real shithead. I was I was bad in school. I think I had, you know, I had so many detentions that they had to, like, convert them to Saturday schools and then suspensions. I was I was thinking I was out of school more than I was in school. And at one point, my dad looked at me.
Speaker 1:He's like, listen, man. You're you're a fucking asshole. Like, you need to get your shit together. And he took me on a road trip for we we and we drove through Europe. It wasn't something so fancy, but we just went over there, and he showed me.
Speaker 1:He called it his culturing me up trip. And we drove through and we saw all these monuments and we saw these historical things. And and and what it did for me at the time was it it gave me, and listen. Again, this is a privileged perspective. Not everyone can do this, but it it gave me such a broader view of the world and of history and of the way different people in different cultures live.
Speaker 1:I think it's really good to get children out of their environment sometimes. I know a lot of parents find it hard to travel, but just to to show them that the world's bigger than maybe their house or their neighborhood or their school and to give them an education that, shows them the world. You know? Because you can you can read things online or see things from a pretty picture, but being immersed in it's a different thing. And so, you know, I think that was a pivotal pivotal moment in my life where I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1:Like this is a much bigger place than I thought. And I'm not as nearly as important as I as I think I am. And I think that was a moment where I was like, okay, like, let's it's time to get it together.
Speaker 2:Mhmm. We've had some successful dads on the podcast, and the theme that comes up a lot is, like, it's a super interesting predicament to be in because you have resources and you innately wanna give your kids everything, but you know that by doing that is really harming them in a lot of ways. And I'm just curious how you think about that.
Speaker 1:We talk about this all the time. I think that we're we're at an age now where they're so young that they don't have a context yet of how good they have it. Right? I was looking at them the other day. I'm like, little assholes flying around and on this boat.
Speaker 1:I was gonna get on one of these fucking boats until I was, like, 30 years old. But anyways, Lauren and I talk about this a lot because we've always worked and, you know, Lauren, particularly, like, she worked multiple jobs and all this and was never handed anything. And so, you know, what you don't wanna do is, like, we're not gonna sacrifice and, you know, not live the way we wanna live because, you know, we've obviously put a lot of time, but I think we have to constantly remind the kids. And, you know, again, I'm still a new parent. Someone have to navigate this later that this is not theirs and that this has been hard earned and that they need to figure it on their own.
Speaker 1:And hate to break it to you, but play this in the future. They're all going to be working and there is no trust fund and there is no, handing them money. I've seen so many people that have gone that route that have just, you know, become absolute disasters. Again, I think it's because you need to know how hard earned a lot of this stuff is, and you never work out. I think and, also, like, some of this can start in the gym with some delayed gratification of, like, you know, going in and understanding, like, what it's like to build your body and eat right and get those results later on.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, for us, it's something we talk about all the time. It's like, you don't want to not provide, but you also don't want to just hand everything to everyone because then you create somebody who, in my opinion, is not prepared for the real world and who does not have any context of what's really going on.
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