Ashleigh Di Lello: Curing The "Incurable" With Mind-Body Connection | MMP #276
Download MP3Ashley, welcome to the Meat Mafia podcast. Excited to have you on.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. It's, it's an honor to have you on. We're super excited for this episode, and we had we we had really enjoyed doing some deep dive into your background too because and I think you know this, Ashley. One of our favorite aspects of doing this podcast is connecting with guests that have been dealt this fate or being told that they have something incurable, whether it's an autoimmune disease, chronic disease, injury, etcetera, and they really lean into diet, lifestyle, some of these other amazing modalities that exist, and they actually prove that they can cure some of these incurable things. And that's really what you're doing at bioemotional healing all day long with all the patients that you've worked with, really exploring that, like, mind body connection.
Speaker 3:And so we're super interested to dig into that, and we were amazed at just your own personal health journey and these two traumatic experiences that happened to you. And so I think that would be a amazing place to kick off is to just learn a little bit more about your background and those experiences and really how that led to you starting your practice and everything that you do now.
Speaker 2:Sure. Yeah. It's a it's a 28 year journey that we will just surmise here briefly. My journey started at 13, which I was the epitome of health, right, as most 13 year olds are, dancing 5 hours a day. My nickname was Energizer Bunny.
Speaker 2:And I remember getting my braces on, as we all probably remember, and I started to feel this pain in my elbows. And I thought, well, maybe I've just been holding my arms strangely, you know, during this time. And I remember stretching my arms out and thinking, this is a weird pain. And that was my only warning signal, and I woke up the next day and had pain in every joint and muscle. You could hardly touch me, 104 degree, temperature, sweating profusely, but freezing.
Speaker 2:You know, thought at first, maybe a horrible flu or something. But this was the first day of over 4 years where I would be fighting for my life. And so everything in my life changed in an instant. And and suddenly, we're going to every doctor I was tested for everything that existed, and, you know, we have to think, this was a very different world. We didn't have podcasts like this.
Speaker 2:There was no YouTube or social media or Google. This was back where you're looking in the yellow pages, right, to find doctors, a functional medicine practitioner. Everything that we understand today, that was like voodoo back then. You had to really search to find that. So this was a a different time frame in the world.
Speaker 2:But for the first, like, 2 years, I went all over the country. I was tested for everything. I got so sick to where my hair was falling out. I got down to 90 degree like, £90. I really looked so frail.
Speaker 2:My liver was shutting down, so my skin was yellow. I got so sick. There were days I didn't even have the energy to speak, which is a a really frightening place to be. And essentially, the doctors were saying you have a rare viral infection. We can't diagnose.
Speaker 2:We can't treat. We can't do anything. And I was essentially sent home to die. And this was the beginning of me really understanding the intricate mind body connection. Now I had no idea about neuroscience.
Speaker 2:Again, I was 13, 14 years old. I would have had to go and check out a neuroscience journal. So nothing like what we've understood in the last journal. So nothing like what we've understood in the last 10 years, today. But all I knew is that I wanted to live.
Speaker 2:I had no idea what my body was fighting, and so some nights, I literally wouldn't even go to sleep. I was I was afraid that if I surrendered that conscious will to live, that my body wouldn't make it through the night. And so I would stay awake, and I would will my body to live. And I didn't know what this was doing to my nervous system, which we'll talk about, which greatly contributed to my second health crisis and the work that I do today. I just was living in survival for 4 years.
Speaker 2:And after two and a half years of doing everything in the Western medical system, and again, this was very different time frame. When you talk about food, I remember being at one of the top children hospitals in the country, and they brought me down to eat breakfast. And my choices were sugar cereals. Like, those are my choices. Right?
Speaker 2:And back then when I was growing up, it was like sugar smacks and Fruit Loops. And I just remember thinking, and and, again, did not have the information that I do now, but just, like, intrinsically going, I'm dying. This doesn't feel like what I should be eating, you know, to help my body fight whatever viral infection it it's fighting. And that was just a real paradigm shift, even as a 13 year old girl, of I've gotta give my body all the resources possible to help it fight this, to do what it was designed to do, which is which is to heal. And we have to sometimes remove barriers, and we have to give give it all the support.
Speaker 2:So when Western medicine didn't give us any answers, my family just dived in dived into this alternative space, which again was, like, very weird back then. Like and I came from a western medical trained family, so it really was this desperation of, well, we'll do whatever. And this is when just my nutrition totally took an overhaul of giving my body every source of food that it could use to then heal. It was like food became life or death to me. It was, does this help my immune system, or does it take away?
Speaker 2:And that's where and I also started to see just the power of food in our body as you guys talk about so much and truly how much of a difference it not only can let you feel when you're healthy, but literally give your body the resources to heal. And we dove into, you know, supplements and homeopathic medicine, and that coupled with literally this will to live and communicating all day every day for my body to keep fighting and the faith and belief that I was created for more than dying at 13. And after 4 years of teetering between life and death, I started to get out of that scary place. And then about 6 years, I regained enough strength and help to go back to dancing, which I had been, you know, doing since I was 3 years old. And so that was a huge landmark for me.
Speaker 2:And you guys, with your baseball, you can imagine I'm now 19, almost 20 years old, coming back to dance. So that's like you taking off baseball from 14 to 20, and trying to be successful at it. Right? And so the the tremendous thing about that, and we'll talk about the brain, is that I was recruiting aspects of my brain during my entire illness that were wiring neural pathways as if I had been dancing, which is so tremendous because we all have this capacity. So after a 6 year absence, I I came back to dance now as a woman.
Speaker 2:And with a lot of courage and time, I then became some in the top 12 ranked, college ballroom Latin dancers and had an incredible career and went on TV shows like so you think you can dance and dancing with the stars and headlined a Broadway show with my husband. And, you know, peak of our career, our professional career, it was like, oh my gosh. I've scaled this mountain. I I couldn't lift a finger, and now I'm dancing professionally, doing 8 shows a week. Like, my body's a machine now, and it was like, this is it.
Speaker 2:Like, I did it. You know? And and through that, of course, I had lots lots of injuries as all athletes do, but it was like, this is it. Like, I've made it. And then I had a second hip surgery that failed and launched my whole body into chronic pain, and I lost my career.
Speaker 2:I lost the ability to walk. I had a 2 year old daughter that now I couldn't even hold. I could I barely had, the capacity to even hold a book. It would send shooting nerve pain, down my arms into my fingertips, and it was like deja vu. You know?
Speaker 2:Here I am again, but in a totally different realm. Thankfully, I wasn't fighting to live, but in some ways, living in widespread chronic nerve pain 247 is a worse sentence, because it's it's hell. It's with you every moment of every day. It takes everything you love to do away from you. It makes I was sleeping maybe 2, 3 hours a night because of the pain, struggling to walk.
Speaker 2:And now I was a wife and a mother and a business owner, and my husband was my professional partner. So we that impacted his career as well. And, it was again, I'm a mystery. So I I wanted some clear cut, like, this is what you have, and I'm going to doctors, and, I did everything again. I was like, okay.
Speaker 2:Now I know. Let's throw the gamut at it. Nutrition, supplement, all the regenerative medicine. I had over 200 types of injections with stem cell and PRP and prolotherapy and hyperbaric chambers and cold blood. I mean, I'm doing everything that exists, you know, and I'm not getting better, and the pain is getting worse.
Speaker 2:And it's not mattering what I'm doing, and the doctors are telling me you're a chronic pain patient now. I got diagnosed with 3 different chronic pain conditions. Of course, when you're living in pain that much and not sleeping, your health also starts to tank and other starts things start to show up. And it was just like one thing after the next. My family's, like, nearly losing our home because we're spending everything to try to get me well on all these alternative treatments.
Speaker 2:And after about 2, two and a half years of that, I remember one night I was I was laying on my bedroom floor just in the fetal position in the worst horrific pain that I hadn't been able to escape from, and I just thought there's nothing left to do. Like, there's there's nothing left to do. We've we've tried it all, And that was probably the scariest moment of my life, which is really saying something with what I'd already gone through. But I also felt this responsibility for my husband and my daughter, and I didn't wanna live in this hell anymore. And I was just thinking, what do I do next?
Speaker 2:And the common thread amongst all the doctors and specialists I had seen was your nervous system flipped a switch into pain. Right? This is now your chronic pain patient now. This is where your nervous system it's downhill from here. Right?
Speaker 2:I was told those things, like, downhill from here. This is your life sentence. And I thought, well, with everything I know from when I was younger, if the nervous system can flip into pain, there's gotta be a way to flip it back. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:And
Speaker 2:that was the day I decided I was gonna study neuroscience and really understand the brain and how it communicates to the body through the nervous system and how it gets stuck in stress responses and create a process to rewire it back. And that's what I did. That's what gave me my life back, and that's where I created my emotional healing. And I've been coaching clients through it for the last 5 years.
Speaker 1:Wow. Yep. Brett I think Brett said it perfectly just like this. The stories that I mean, your story is incredible. Just the the ability to overcome something and turn it into a positive twice.
Speaker 1:I feel like most people don't really have to face that type of opportunity where, you know, they're faced with this chronic, sentence and, you know, something different happens, and it's, you know, even worse than the first time in a different way. So, I just wanted to say that it's it's incredible that your story is amazing. I'm sure it's inspired, like, 100 and thousands of people to stick with it and and just believe that they can actually get better. I think that's probably the core the core message is that you have to, like, really have that belief that you can heal.
Speaker 2:Yeah. The brain is so well, 1st and foremost, thank you. And believe me, I had my moments. And I certainly when the second time around, I was like, really? Have haven't we done this already?
Speaker 2:Like, did I not earn that, like, one life altering, you know, health experience? I I certainly have my moments, but deep inside and not sustain me was just this belief that we were made to overcome incredible challenges, the human spirit and the mind. And, you know, that is my message and why I love what I do because my goal is not just to inspire. It truly by emotional healing, the mechanisms of the brain are the same for each of us because it's very easy for all of us to hear an inspiring story and be like, well, that's them, and that's their personality, and that's their skill set. And then I'm left with me in my life with my mountain, and I don't even know how I'm gonna even take the next step, let alone get to the top and to the other side of this.
Speaker 2:And that's why I love the brain so much because we're all so different. Our our talents, our backgrounds, our beliefs, our strengths, our personalities, but the mechanisms of the brain and nervous system are the same for each of us. And that's why my clients, no matter the stress response is more physical with pain or autoimmune or gut issues or any any degree of health breakdown or a more mental emotional break down with anxiety and depression and trauma and, you know, negative thought patterns they just can't get over. No matter what it is, the brain is the command center of it all. And so when we can really learn how to utilize the brain and not only heal it, but rewire a new operating system in how we think and see and act in the world, like, there are no limitations to any of us.
Speaker 2:And that's literally our wiring, not who we are as individuals. But you're right. The caveat of it all is you have to believe it's possible because the brain's wired to validate our beliefs. Like, we've all heard that phrase. Right?
Speaker 2:Whether you believe you can or can't, you'll inevitably be right. And I think sometimes we've maybe heard that enough, and we're like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But literally, that's the wiring of the brain.
Speaker 2:Like, how our beliefs dictate our experiences because our brains wired to validate whatever we believe. So I saw people who were less sick than me die because they believed they were.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And that's a very powerful wiring and neurochemical response to be sending into this body every single day. So it is that belief is is very, very important to even take action, like, to work with me, but then it's really amazing to watch people realize that they're just as powerful as anyone else.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's perfectly said, Ashley. And I also think that's why conversations like this and you just getting your story out to as many people as possible is so important because I know for myself when I was trying to heal ulcerative colitis, when I heard of other patients that were holistically healing themselves and getting off their drugs and medication, That was the proof of concept that I needed to explore some of these other modalities like carnivore and sauna and cold plunge, etcetera, that really helped me heal. And part of the reason why your story is so relatable is, you know, number 1, just thinking about how you were at a young girl and being so ill that you couldn't even speak. I can't even imagine feeling that fatigue that you couldn't even get words out of your mouth.
Speaker 3:And, also, just the aspect of you not even being able to go to sleep because you were worried about literally losing your will to live and passing away, I I don't think people can comprehend what that was probably like mentally, and then you do the right things. You lean into the diet. You lean into the supplements. That works for you. You get your health back.
Speaker 3:You launch this amazing business, meet your husband, etcetera, and then you're dealing with this unforeseen thing, and you're literally throwing the entire kitchen sink at it. So you're going back to the diet, you're going back to the supplements, hyperbaric therapy, sauna, cold plunging. It's like you kept pulling back layer after layer, and nothing was ultimately working for you. And that's why I think your message is so important is because I think something that the health community might not do right is just saying, oh, it's a one size fits all approach. So you're struggling with this.
Speaker 3:Let's fix your nutrition. You're gonna be back. And then there's people like you that you need a little bit on top. You need other things and other modalities. So, Ashley, I would just love to learn from a neuroscience perspective.
Speaker 3:What were just some of the things that you were doing, and how quickly did you start to see benefits and really recognize, oh, wow. My body is healing, and I can get my life back as a as a wife, a mom, a business owner, etcetera.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So first, just some premise of why it matters. Right? And, again, it's not everybody. It depends on the person and their experiences, and how their nervous system has been shaped throughout their life.
Speaker 2:So one thing like I said I didn't understand is those 4 years of survival. I'm I'm a fighter. Right? I was like, I'm I'm a fighter, that was my identity, and and it served me. And those fight or flight responses are an absolutely essential mechanism of our nervous system.
Speaker 2:Like, that's why we can do amazing things in our life, handle stresses, athletic performances. Right? Handle stress and and do great things. The problem is depending on our life and how much that fight or flight response has been activated, it's the nervous system learns to live there, to stay there. Right?
Speaker 2:So for myself and and and people can maybe think about in their life if they've gone through a prolonged mental or emotional, challenging experience. Right? The longer you go through this, the more those neural connections learn. Like, you know how when you practice baseball, the more you practice, the more those neural connections get solidified. Right?
Speaker 2:Well, when you're living in stress all the time, the more those stress signals get solidified, and the nervous system defaults to operating that way. So for me, for 4 years, I'm literally in survival. Right? So I knew that and I fought through it, but I didn't understand my nervous system now is hardwired to live in fight or flight. Even when I survived, it was like my subconscious mind was like, hey.
Speaker 2:Great. But we need to be on alert. Because remember, we were healthy, and overnight, you were dying. And we lived that way for so long, so I just need to keep on alert. And I'm gonna stay in this hypervigilant state in case we need to be ready.
Speaker 2:Right? And I didn't know that. I just knew literally I could feel kind of this internal buzzing always happening. And I was I was definitely a perfectionist, because my system felt so out of control. I I did try to control everything that I could.
Speaker 2:It gave me some sense of safety because my whole life had been taken from me. Through my professional career, I had endless injuries. It didn't matter how on point my diet was, my warm up, my ice baths, like, it didn't matter. And that's because, again, those stress signals were constantly firing. So when I had this hip surgery, that failed, and it did.
Speaker 2:The surgeon messed me up, left a hole in my hip, which I didn't know. But my body's response to it when it went to overdrive was driven by this deep stress signals that had become wired in my nervous system as if saying, here we are again. Alarm bells, alarm bells, alarm bells, and my fight or flight response went over the edge. And that's why my whole body reacted in such a violent, insane way where it was like, woah. How do you be healthy and strong, and now you have pain everywhere?
Speaker 2:So that's where it was important to understand. It wasn't just what happened today. It was the programming from the past that had been running subconsciously that now with all the experiences just got tipped over the edge. And that's what happens in a lot of people's lives, right? Whether they had challenging experiences when they were younger, or they had a trauma, or they had a severe loss, or anything that then alters us.
Speaker 2:Like, it doesn't matter how strong you are or how positive or a fighter. Like, life impacts us, you know, because we're humans. And because the brain is so wired for our protection, both physically and emotionally, it it takes all those experiences, and it holds on to them. And it it alters our our our way our brain and body communicate. So this is what really important to understand, and I just wanna premise with that because a lot of people are like, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 2:I'm doing all the things. I'm trying so hard. I'm not healing. What is wrong with me? You know?
Speaker 2:And it and that really starts to feel very defeating and exhausting, and you feel a little bit like a failure. Right? Because, like, why can't I really heal this? And what is wrong with me? What is wrong with my body?
Speaker 2:And then you have your body as a failure. Right? And it's failing you and your life. And so I just wanna say that first because it's not just you. It's your nervous system.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And it's such a powerful mechanism that runs without your consent. Right? The brain is the only self regulating organ. It it can do whatever it wants. So people just I hope I wanna just say that first to understand you're not just broken even if you've tried everything, there the the brain is the command center of everything.
Speaker 2:And when it's been altered enough by life where it feels validated staying in this stress response, then you can throw everything in the kitchen sink at your body, and it's still not gonna fully heal. But when you can partner with the brain and turn off these alarm bells that have been running in the nervous system, well, then you can heal. And everything that you're doing can now be received because even if you're in a stress, things like even a cold plunge or a hyperbaric chamber can be seen as a burden from the brain. Like, you're asking me to do one more thing. And instead of healing, it's like, I don't have the resources to to take this.
Speaker 2:And so even in our efforts to heal, if those alarm bells are running all the time, we're actually making it harder in certain aspects. And so I just want people who to know that awareness is the first important thing before any practice. It's like, there's this piece I've been missing, but as hopeless as I feel, this can change everything for me. You know? And that's really important.
Speaker 2:So with that being said, what are some of the things you do? Well, 1st and foremost, you have to identify some of the physical and psychological factors from your life, past and present, that have altered you into this stress response. Right? So a lot of people are like, I survived that. And and this is where the ego comes in.
Speaker 2:Right? Because I was like, I survived my illness. Like, I was tough. I didn't even let myself cry. Like, no.
Speaker 2:I'm the victor. And I had to go, that broke me. That made me not trust my body. That I had been carrying PTSD deep inside for 20 years because, I mean, how do you not? How do you not be altered by huge experiences in your life?
Speaker 2:Losing someone, tremendous grief, a trauma that you fought through, but it altered wiring. So first, we have to be willing kinda to strip away our defenses and really look at what are the significant pieces in my life that could have and did contribute to my nervous system getting stuck in this stress response. And that's that's not always easy to look at, especially when you're, like, tough. You know? My I really resisted that because it took so much from me.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to really look at what it also took from me, like, emotionally. Right, and mentally. And and that, though, is one of the most important pieces because until we're willing to look and identify those and work through it and process it, those are one of the main drivers that hold the system in stress. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Definitely. The, the idea of processing stress or trauma and, you know, I think it looks different for everyone. Like, you know, for some people, I'm envisioning, like, going to the gym as a form of therapy and helping people get through some of that in some level. But then there's obviously, like, deeper work that needs to get done is and and and I also think it's really hard for a lot of people because they don't necessarily know what the source of the trauma is.
Speaker 1:Like, some people just aren't even paying enough attention to realize, like you said, they just, like, get through something, and they don't realize how it's being stored in the body. So I'm curious, like, what, what sort of modalities do you recommend people start to think about when it comes to overcoming stress and getting that trauma actually out of their body?
Speaker 2:Yeah. 1st and foremost, you know, because I was a a personal trainer as well, and I used to I realized, like, exercise obviously is so huge for mental and physical health, but it also can be a distraction to where we have to exercise, you know, to feel good. And that's usually a distraction from maybe something that's going on inside. Right? And that's when people then get injured or sick, and they can't exercise.
Speaker 2:They go into depression because exercise should be icing on the cake, but not like the cake to where if we don't have it, we can't feel good mentally. Right? So while I am a huge proponent of using it, I'm, like, if you have to have it to feel happy or, like, sane, there's something unresolved. Right? So one of the first things and, again, this is where people have to carve out time because in this day of age of our phones and distractions and podcasts and social media and YouTube, we don't ever have to actually, like, be alone with ourselves.
Speaker 2:Right? We don't. And it's it's a beautiful age of information. Here we are. We're we're sharing information, but also sitting with ourselves and looking at how life has impacted us isn't very fun.
Speaker 2:And so even in my attempt to avoid that, I'm like, I'm gonna go listen to a podcast. Look. I'm you know? Like, I'm doing something, but I'm not having to to look at, right, what is maybe running inside of me. So a good place to start is, first, you have to turn off everything else.
Speaker 2:And and a place to start is just you can say, what are some of the significant events in my life? Right? Some of those and people talk about inner child work a lot, which is, yes, needed, but not everybody had something when they were a child. It could have been at any age. You know?
Speaker 2:So I think sometimes that gets too stuck in, like, childhood. And it's like, I had a great childhood, but maybe something happened when you were 20 or 30, you know, or this year. So just sitting in first just being like, what are the significant events in my life? And people know that. Right?
Speaker 2:And what are the things that also keep coming up in my mind? Like, also, if I look at this event and I still feel it viscerally, like, in my body, you know, how peep you have a a physical response to it. Right? That's always a a sign and a signal that there's some healing that still needs to be done. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, I always tell my clients, we're told so much in the mental health space to run away from our triggers, to avoid them, and I'm like, no. Pay attention to them. Triggers are pointing to something inside of you that needs healing. Otherwise, you wouldn't be triggered by it. Right?
Speaker 2:So anything that triggers you, if someone talks about something, if you go into a certain environment and you feel or you're like, I can't talk about that. I don't wanna go there. Right? Those are all signs of stuff that your system is still holding on to, things in your mind that keep coming up over conversations or people or events. Like, that those things that keep coming up for you that you kinda push away because you're like, why am I over it by now?
Speaker 2:Right? Those are all signals where your brain and body are are trying to communicate to you. Like, hey. We're we're still carrying this. Like, let's look at it, but we don't have to.
Speaker 2:It's like, I'm gonna go workout. I'm gonna go for a run. I'm gonna go listen to this podcast. Again, all good things, but they're not allowing us to process it out in the way that we need to, which is actually to really look at it. So that's the first step.
Speaker 2:Right? But who wants to do that? Yeah. Just sit down and look at the significant events in my life, and maybe there's one. Right?
Speaker 2:It doesn't mean it has to be this long list depending on the person. And then one of the most effective tools, and, obviously, bi emotion healing is is a a whole a 10 week process I walk my clients through, but is to start writing about that. Mhmm. And, usually, it can start in a really, like, clerical way, right, where we're we're recounting events. But this is writing that you're not going to keep, and this is why it's really important.
Speaker 2:We're not talking about traditional journal writing, which a lot of people are resistant to. But if it's traditional journal writing, that's something you keep. That's something someone one day will read, maybe. No one's fully honest when we do that. Like, no one.
Speaker 2:Right? Myself included. There's there's some, you know, holding back of maybe some things I'd really like to say, or maybe my darkest feelings that I've experienced that I maybe don't want someone to read one day. Right? Because we are kind of putting our best foot forward a little bit.
Speaker 2:Right? So this writing, and there's done there's been a lot of neuroscience studies around it, is so important to where you understand, first and foremost, you're gonna tear it up and throw it away. Or if you're typing, you're gonna delete it because that gives you this freedom to really speak openly, honestly, your deepest, darkest, ugliest. Like, you can say hateful things that you're like, I'm not oh, that's that's not who I am. Right?
Speaker 2:And but it's part of your experience as a human to feel a lot of emotions, even dark and scary ones, angry ones, resentful ones. That's to be a human and go through challenges. And so in giving yourself permission to do that, now we start to maybe bring up stuff that we haven't really been willing to look at, or we couldn't say, or we couldn't speak. Or when we're surviving something hard, we don't have the emotional energy to also look at that stuff. We're fighting.
Speaker 2:And the thing about writing why it's effective versus just speaking to someone is first, you're in a safe place just with you that allows you to be the most brutally honest. But when it's just in our mind or even when we're speaking, the brain works so fast. It can just ping pong. Right? As we've all experienced, your brain just goes from here to there, here to there, And you don't really have to look at it or feel it because the brain is just then going to this next place and this other thing.
Speaker 2:When you write, you create space between thinking and executing. That now in that space is where some parts of the subconscious, some of those deeper thoughts, feelings can now come up because there's a gap, and your brain can't just zing from here to there to here to there. And and that's where, aside from all the other pieces and the neuro retraining and everything else that comes in, that's something everybody can do. Yeah. But most people don't want to because it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 2:You know? But that's where, like, everything. Workouts don't all feel good. Shifting your diet doesn't all feel good. But on the other side of it, it's it's so worth the efforts, the pain to get there, and that's this is no different.
Speaker 2:It's uncomfortable to face some of the pain if how life has impacted us and the belief systems we have, but not doing so puts the greatest constraints on our life. And that's why people are reactive because there's all this stuff that is being carried that needs to be looked through. So this is obviously one piece, but it's a really important one that anyone can do right now and start to just really become aware. Because, also, as you write, sometimes you're like, man, that's a really awful belief that I have about myself or the world or this person or my body or my potential. And then if you go back to what I just said, the brain's wired to validate beliefs.
Speaker 2:You're like, man, if that's my belief, if that's what I'm thinking, no wonder I'm not being able to change it. Right? So there's a lot of beautiful awareness that can come through this, and it it's free. Right? You just have to be willing to do it just like everything else.
Speaker 3:But it's so much easier for me to just drink caffeine and go to the gym and That's right. My product my problems don't exist.
Speaker 2:That's right. Right. And you get that endorphin rush. And, again, huge fan of all of that. Just do both.
Speaker 2:Right? And that's when people are like, I my mental I have to get my workout. I have to run. And I'm like, listen. Yes.
Speaker 2:There's beautiful benefits that only exercise creates. But if it's a a half and an avoidance, then you it's time to to face it, to look at it because, you know, who wants to be carrying that with us?
Speaker 3:Right? Ashley, what do you think it is about writing versus just reflecting on some of these, like, dark, ugly thoughts that is so so much more powerful? Because I'm sure there's probably people that are listening to this that's like, do I do I need to write it out, or can I just think about these experiences that I've been putting off? What is it particularly about writing this thing out and then deleting it that just makes it so powerful?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Well, first, like I said, sometimes in the writing with that space between thinking and executing, you more comes up than when you're just reflecting. Right? But, also, it's there's a there's a real power in execution of writing. It it's like you see it, especially in your own handwriting.
Speaker 2:You're not letting it just stay within your system. It's it's coming out. It's like being certain, being seen and heard. I just combine those words. Sometimes my brain works ahead of me.
Speaker 2:Right? Being seen and heard and and almost validated. Right? Because that's what in anyone in life, we're we're kind of seeking, like, a validation of what has impacted us. And so when you're when you're getting it out and it's important enough to write it out, right, which the brain also says, oh, I real this is important enough.
Speaker 2:You are really hearing because most of us are like, oh, I'll listen to my friend and let them tell me. But when when us if our system's like feeling all these emotions, we're like, I don't have time to listen to you. Like, I gotta go do this, and I gotta go do this. And so that also creates these walls within ourselves of of communication. And so writing says it's important enough, right, to also get it out.
Speaker 2:And then, again, yes, it's not gone instantaneously, but there's this real freeing of, like, here it is. I've seen it. I've heard it. I have compassion with how this experience or experiences have impacted me, but I no longer want it to dictate who I am. And there's just something really powerful, and you'll actually find resistance, like, a lot of times to wanna hold on to it.
Speaker 2:Right? And in in that resistance, it's also showing you that parts of our identity, because it does, all of us, get wrapped up in these experiences. Right? Parts of our identity. And that's that's that can't not be.
Speaker 2:Of course, our identity gets connected to the biggest events and things in our life. Right? People say all the time, you know, ever since that happened, or I've never been the same. Right? Or that changed everything.
Speaker 2:So whether we want to or not, parts of our identity are wrapped into it, which is why it feels hard to let it go. And so people understand whatever alters us, the more emotionally charged something has been in our life, more fearful, more, you know, life altering, the brain actually holds on to it. It it takes a snapshot neurologically of everything connected to it, and it holds on to it because it thinks, if I remember this, it's never gonna happen again, or I won't let it happen again. Right? Whatever hurt us.
Speaker 2:But in doing so, it's just continuing to hurt us. And that's why it's a really important aspect to to recognize that, and that's part of that resistance. The brain says, I don't want to let this go. I gotta remember this because holding on to this is going to help you. So it doesn't happen in the future.
Speaker 2:And we have to say, you know what? Holding on to the wounds doesn't help us. And in fact, letting the wounds and all the disempowering emotions and hurt go allows us to step into the wisdom and the growth because that is the other side of anything challenging we've gone through is the the growth, empathy, wisdom, strength that comes from it. But as long as our brain's still holding on to the protective parts, that doesn't really fully allow us to step into the growth part, which is what we all want. Right?
Speaker 2:That's at least the payoff of coming through hell. We want that aspect, and this also allows you to further release and lean more into the empowering aspects, right, of everything we've gone through through with life. And isn't that what we're all seeking? Like, that sense of progress as a human being. Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I can't help but think about you you mentioned memories, and and the whole time you were talking, I was just thinking about this idea that we really, like, store these stories within our body and within our minds that, obviously were and are were traumatic at the time or they they left an impressionable mark on us. But being able to go back and revisit those stories, write them out on paper, and really, like, audit how you interpreted that event at the time and then rewrite the story, you know, as a future version of yourself with different capabilities and different, you know, different amount of strengths.
Speaker 1:Like, you can revisit the situation and put a whole new perspective on the story that you had written into your life. So there's so much uplifting and empowering messaging behind what you're saying, which is like this process of visiting these moments in your life where you you took a hard right turn or a hard left turn for better or worse and take the take a moment to make sure that you're actually thinking about it or make sure that you're actually interpreting it in a way that makes you able to get over and makes you able to use it as a positive instead of something that just is a a negative feedback loop.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Well and we all extract beliefs from experiences in our life, and and our brain does it automatically. Right? And a lot do come as we grow up from experiences, and trauma is anything that alters the brain. Right?
Speaker 2:So, of course, there's bigger, but anything that alters us, you could have an experience that now your brain's like, I'm stupid. That's a that's a really powerful belief, or, like, I'm I'm not good enough, or I'm not worthy never, I'm not lovable, or I'll never be this. I mean, that's that's a pretty impactful belief that was extracted from some experience or someone, or we just did that. And and growing up, we're not really told, like, hey, you're gonna have some really awful thoughts, but they don't you don't have to believe them. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, it's just thoughts. And that's really important is our brain is wired for negativity first from a protective standpoint, and so no one's immune from having negative self defeating thoughts. Like, we all have fears, right, as part of life, but it's understanding we can not only process the ones that have already been there, but redirect them.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like, we we we can. I mean, that's that's what a belief is something thought over and over again. Like, that's that's a belief. That's why it feels very true to us. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, someone could tell you all day long. No. You have all the potential in the world. But if I have thought I am not good enough, and I I'm not smart enough, and there's no way I can do that 1000 of time, that's become a belief where I'm like, yeah. Great.
Speaker 2:You can say that, but deep inside doesn't really make sense to me. It doesn't feel real. Well but you can change that by nature of redirecting new thoughts. Right? And there's some deeper work depending on the person that we have to really remove some barriers, but that is the mechanism of the brain.
Speaker 2:Whatever we repeat over and over and over again and think becomes a belief for us, and now the brain has to validate it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Ashley, have you done deep dive on David Goggins before?
Speaker 2:I love David Goggins.
Speaker 3:I was curious. I was thinking about you because I just listened to his most recent podcast appearance on Andrew Huberman show, And it was really interesting because it was really just like this master podcast about motivation. And one of the things that Huberman said is when you look at these reward systems of carrot and stick, he said, I've never met someone that's purely all stick before. There's no there's no carrot there at all. And it's interesting, like, analyzing someone that had such a traumatic childhood into his young adulthood and all the adversity he overcame.
Speaker 3:It seems like that's a huge motivating factor for him, and I and I think his overall messaging is so amazing because I think it teaches you that you're capable of so much more. But I'm curious from your perspective if, you know, is do you think he maybe teeters on the side of being over extreme, or do you you know, I would just I would love to get your thoughts on that because he's inspired so many people.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah. I mean, listen. No. Not not everyone can be David Goggins. Right?
Speaker 2:Like, that man leans into pain, and, but yet, like, I admire him profoundly, and Andrew Huberman like, I studied him before the world knew who Andrew Huberman was, because, like, that's what I I love. He's amazing and fantastic. So I think, for a lot of people, they they can't live their life in extremes, and David Goggins definitely does that. Right? And so that's not a that's not attainable for everyone, like and he definitely has adapted his system to live in stress, right, in a good way.
Speaker 2:Like, stress isn't all bad. Right? Stress is pushing our body. It's pushing our mind. It's it's it's pushing our limits as a human, but most people need to come out of it.
Speaker 2:And I I think he's probably mastered how to be absolutely intense and rest, though I I I don't think he rests as much as the the average human might need. Right? But I think, above all, I think most people need more rest in their life, like an oscillation. I don't even like the word balance because I think life has ebbs and flows depending on what we're pursuing or what we're navigating in. But I know for long term, most humans need to come in and out of that fight or flight system, right, and that intensity system.
Speaker 2:But even one of the biggest switches for me was that I could still fight, but there is a difference for a lot of people. They're fighting from a place of fear. I'm not saying this is David Goggins because he fought from a place of potential, but a lot of people are fighting from a place of fear. And you can fight from a place of hope and belief and potential. And you were still fighting.
Speaker 2:We're still activating the those mechanisms inside of us, but the driving force is very different, and the impact on the body is very different. So in reference to that with Goggins, I think he's just truly, like, a man who has just decided that he's gonna maximize his human potential. And, you know, in different ways, obviously, I I have lived a similar path but defied the odds, you know, in all ways, and and that's what I I ascribe everybody to understand is, again, you're gonna listen to Goggins and be like, no. I am not even in that dude's realm, right, which most aren't. But that's why, again, I love the brain because you don't have to be in that realm, but you can heal and become the strongest, most powerful, most healthy, most free version of you.
Speaker 2:Right? And that's what we're trying to do here with the brain because a lot of people don't wanna live that life. Right? But they do wanna live this, like, calling inside of them that they're like, I know I could live a better version of my life. And that's my goal, right, for clients is is to find that for them to where they feel empowered in their life even if that means they're not having an anxiety attack, you know, when they wake up in the mornings.
Speaker 2:It means they have more patience and tolerance with their kids and their family. Means their walls of protection are down, and they can now connect with their spouse or their boyfriend or girlfriend. It means their trauma from the past isn't constantly wounding them. It means they trust their body again, and they reclaim their health. Like, it all looks so different, and, and so that's what the use understanding how the brain works and harnessing that is it allows my clients to harness that in what it looks like in their life.
Speaker 2:And for some, it's being able to go to the grocery store again and push a cart and do groceries because they now have the physical capacity to do it. It's not an intense workout running 10 miles, doing a marathon. It's like the victory, and I've been there. I I literally have been at the grocery store. I've been an elite athlete, and I have struggled to take one step.
Speaker 2:I have been, at the top of my game and struggled to lift a finger. And I, for years, could not walk, and I could not go to the grocery store, and I could not push the cart and load it with groceries and then put it in my cart. And so for me, although I'm getting back all my strength, and I'm never gonna be a professional dancer again because I'm 41 now, and that's not where my life is. But going to the grocery store and being like, look at me, everybody. Like, look at me.
Speaker 2:I am grocery shopping by myself, capable. Like, that's a victory that is no less victorious than when I was dancing on TV in front of 10,000,000 people.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And that's where I'm saying the victories become very individual with my clients, but they're no less even if they don't look as intense. Right? And as much as I love Goggins, I think everything's intense. You know? And that's been his lived experience, and fantastic.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Like, we need those people out there. And that's my story is I'm gonna show you how to do that within your brain so that you can accomplish that victory in your life, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 1:Mhmm. Yeah. Goggins is such a fascinating example to bring up. And you guys have me thinking just about this idea of, like, being able to trick your brain into making it turn into a certain mode. Like, I think Goggins got really good at tricking his brain and tricking himself into just, like, going into that a 100% that said, carrot or stick.
Speaker 1:It's a 100% stick mode and just embracing the suck. And we have people like Michael Jordan, another example of someone who is just really good at playing games with himself to turn these, like, things that weren't even really happening into motivators for himself. And I'm curious. It makes me it makes me think a lot about, like, the role of earlier, you were talking about these thoughts that we would have as kids that maybe you would grasp onto, and then it would just turn into, like, a negative self limiting belief and just the role of community and environment in reshaping how we think about ourselves, but then also just being able to get over some of these things. Like, being in the right environment can totally transform your thoughts, your habits, every like, your your whole operating system can change just by being in the right environment.
Speaker 1:So I'm curious. How do you think about that when you're trying to integrate, you know, change for your clients? You know, is that ever, like, something that you think about? Like, hey. Maybe you just need to, like, move or, like, get a new inner circle.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And that's a challenge sometimes, especially, like, in careers, right, or marriages, families, right, intimate relationships that might be constantly pulling you down, and it's something to look at within the boundaries that you can. Right? I just had a client that is making a career change because if we're really looking at it, right, the cost is much higher to stay than it is to go. Right?
Speaker 2:And that's sometimes where we have to sit in the the blunt reality. It's always hard to let go of what's familiar, even if the familiar is hell. Like and that's with work, that's with friends, that's with family, that's with everything. The the brain wants to stay in what's familiar. It's predictable.
Speaker 2:Right? And so as we evolve, there's still that drive to stay in what's familiar, and that's why it's hard to let go of of things. And, yes, that can be people, and that can be environments. But you have to look at the accumulation of what is around us because it's not just what we think, it's what you hear, and it's it's the energy. And if you're around something that's constantly negative, limitation, lacking, your brain's also being programmed.
Speaker 2:Right? And that's the same with who you follow on social media and what you read because all of that is altering and changing the brain. And so, you know, obviously, depending on the person, some things are easier to change than others. And so in looking at that, we say, okay. What can you change?
Speaker 2:What can you create new boundaries around? What needs to be communicated? Right? You have to look at all the the levels. And, yes, who do you wanna spend time with?
Speaker 2:Now if it's a spouse or something like that, there's there's boundaries, there's communication first, right, before just elimination of of of a relationship, but it is something to to look at and be very mindful of. We have to be stewards of our mind just like we're stewards of our body, because we all know what we put in our body impacts it. I don't care who you are. You might still feel pretty good, but we all know what it feels like to feel great. So what we put in our body matters.
Speaker 2:Well, what our mind is receiving from inside of us and outside of us every day matters. And so that is something to look at and evaluate. And I know as just I even gotten older, I'm very because time is precious. Life is precious. Very aware of my inner circle.
Speaker 2:Right, and how they live their life, because it matters and it influences you. And we all know that energy that, you know, just drags you down and then everything's negative. And now you're starting to see your life through negative and limitation and lack. And here's the hard part with that that I just wanna emphasize in going back to health. We get this a lot in the the medical community, right, from physician doctors, practitioners, mental health, and they're experts.
Speaker 2:And I have utmost respect, right, for the training that people go through to gain their expertise. But no one gets to be the expert on my life but me. Right? So I can have respect for someone's opinion in their domain and absolutely decide that there's the the greatest limitations are the ones I create and accept. And that's a really important separation because I think too often, if we respect or love someone, we also become stewards of their own limitations and beliefs because of that respect or that love or that connection.
Speaker 2:And we can respect and love people and say, I am the one who has dominion over what I believe and what I think is capable for my life. And we we all have to separate that to some degree because we're all gonna have people we respect and love in our life that are gonna have limitations and and lack and see through that lens. And so no matter what, we have to, yes, guard who we're around, but also, more than anything else, guard our own mind and and be programmers of it. Like, you have to take care of your body and, like, on a consistent basis. Right?
Speaker 2:Your mind's no different. But we're all like, oh, we're gonna condition my body, but my mind should just condition itself, and that's just not how it works. Right? So it's the same way, but it's not a negative thing. It's, like, empowering.
Speaker 2:I wanna empower my mind like I empower my body because that changes my life.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I don't think how you could listen to this and not feel empowered or optimistic knowing how important the brain is. And you're saying that it can literally be reprogrammed, rewired to the exact mindset that you aspire to have. I think a lot of people are they're maybe pessimistic that their brain is just something super unique, and it's broken, and they can't fix it. And I think that you're saying that you've seen the most broken of the broken, and you're from practical experience, you can rewire this and have that incredible empowering mindset that makes you savor every single moment and every single day and have these practices where if adversity hits you, you have the right mindset to be able to conquer and overcome those things.
Speaker 3:Like, it just gets me so empowered thinking about that that we have autonomy over that aspect of our life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I've seen people I mean, myself. I lived in fight or flight most of my life, and I I was able to change that while living in a body that triggered it. I've seen people debilitating trauma, you know, chronic anxiety, you know, panic attacks, depression, health issues for decades, be able to truly change, and we have that capacity. And I hate that phrase.
Speaker 2:People don't change. I hate it. I hate it. And, yes, it's true because people don't choose to, and some people don't know how to. And I wanna emphasize that because when your nervous system really is stuck in a program based on hyperprotection, vigilance, how it's been altered, it is hard to change.
Speaker 2:It's very hard because you're coming up against that hardwired program. But it still is possible when you have a process to partner with it to change it. And I have yet to see someone who doesn't have that capacity if they choose it, and they have the right tools and resources to do it. Like, like, God didn't send any of us broken. Right?
Speaker 2:We can be broken, and I've certainly been broken, like, to the depths of where I was barely hanging on. But when we're broken, we can also rebuild into something new, and that is the human spirit, mind, and capacity that we we all have. We really, really do. And it's a journey, and it's not easy, but we're here. And what a gift to be here.
Speaker 2:And, I mean, isn't our life worth all the effort we have?
Speaker 1:Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I think if people are listening to this podcast, one, they're probably feeling absolutely inspired. Like, even myself, I'm I'm sitting here going, you know, I I haven't really had any serious health trauma throughout my life, and it's almost like this thought pattern of, like, preparing daily so that there aren't there isn't an event that could side swipe me on.
Speaker 1:Certainly, it's possible, but it's like it's just treating life like a gift like you're saying because you never know exactly, like, when these bad things or the these, things are gonna happen in our life that are gonna derail us. Emotional, problems, traumas, relationship damages, like things things that are out of your control, they're gonna affect you. So it's just daily preparation that you're just, like, stepping up to the plate and kind of just preparing yourself for what is life. And, you know, it's there's gonna be challenges, but I just love the fact that your story is is really coming from a place of giving people hope and giving people this empowering feeling that they can do it. So, Ashley, this has been incredible, and we're so thankful that you're able to join us today.
Speaker 1:Maybe if you could just give, our audience a place to to go to learn more about what you're doing, with, with your business. And, yeah, I think that would be great if you just share a little bit more about, where they can find you.
Speaker 2:Sure. Absolutely. And and with that, I just wanna emphasize, not just preparing, but living life better. So many of us are living in stress, and we're surviving, and we're not living. You know?
Speaker 2:We're not really being present. We're not really connecting. We're not really feeling joy. We're not really tapping into purpose. We're just going and going and going and surviving.
Speaker 2:And so not even just preparing for when something hard might happen because we're all human, but living more fully in the interim. Right? That's also what conditioning the mind looks like. Like, really being able to seize and connect and enjoy life. So the best place to find me is my website, ashleydilello.com, which I'm sure you'll link because nothing about my name is spelled easily.
Speaker 2:So ashleydilello.com. I've got a free training on the brain there, a free mind body blueprint that people can download that has a 4 step action plan to start just disrupting some of these patterns that they're stuck in. I have my social media is my name, Ashley dilello. I have my podcast, the bio emotional healing podcast. And then for those who are like, man, I've done all the things.
Speaker 2:And I just I feel like I'm stuck, and I'm exhausted. You can, write there on my website, schedule a free consultation just for me to better understand you and where you're at and to see if bioemotional healing is is a right fit, to move forward with.
Speaker 3:Awesome. Well, we'll definitely plug that all. Do you mind if I ask you one last question? I meant to bring this up early, and I forgot. I'm dying to know.
Speaker 3:Just when when it comes to rewiring the brain, does positive thinking actually work?
Speaker 2:Beautiful question. Yes and no. Right? Okay. So on the premise of just neuroplasticity, meaning the brain changes itself, respond to experiences, like, that includes our thoughts.
Speaker 2:So we're we're wiring pathways based on what we repeatedly think. So, yeah, if I think a lot of negative limiting, lacking, scarcity thoughts all day, I'm I'm creating that wiring in my system. So that has an impact. So positive thinking, obviously, also has an impact. Where it doesn't work is for some of the people whose system is so stuck based on life experiences and events and trauma and unprocessed emotions and feelings to where the positive thinking feels fake and superficial.
Speaker 2:Right? And they're and so people are trying, and they're doing the affirming. And then deep inside, their subconscious mind is like, I'm gonna call BS on that. Thank you very much. And that's great, but I'm gonna go back to my program.
Speaker 2:And in fact, I'm gonna cross reference my hippocampus, which has all my data bank of history, and be like, well, remember this? Like, so someone will say something positive, and their brain's like, mhmm, but remember this, and remember this, and see how that's a lie? So is it better to think positively than not? Of course. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:100%. For some people, is that enough? Yeah. Right? To start speaking more empowering thoughts into your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah. Because mostly what we vocalize tends to be the negative. So if you start vocalizing and focusing and directing your brain on possibility, yeah, you're gonna feel better in your life. You're gonna probably take some action steps if you're feeling empowered versus disempowered. And for some people who, again, they're stuck in this, trauma stress response, the impact their nervous system has been altered, positive thinking is not enough.
Speaker 2:And because so many people don't understand it and they they simplify it to that, people feel all the more disempowered because they're like, well, I'm doing it, and what's wrong? I'm broken then. Like, what's wrong with me? And that's where it's a yes and a no depending on the person.
Speaker 3:Got it. That's an amazing nuanced answer to a very simple but deep question, so I appreciate that. And, I appreciate it because I feel like sometimes I have this tendency where I stack my day with so many different podcast calls, meetings, etcetera. I'll have certain days where I'm like, oh, why do I have to do this? And then whenever I rewire myself to almost, like, just be excited and grateful for every single thing I have that day, my day is so much better.
Speaker 3:But, like, sometimes I'll do it for a few days in a row, and then I'll get out of that mindset and go back to my default program settings. And then it's almost like I reremember it, and I kind of oscillate between back and forth. So that was part of why I was asking you is that I've had a lot of success with it, but I've never really stayed consistent with it. And I wanna make it more consistent.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And and start your day that way. Right? Do it while you're getting ready. And I would say in those moments, because I get it.
Speaker 2:Right? It's the pursuit of all of us who are trying to do something, and then we we our days are booked. Right? We all just take a moment, turn off podcasts. Don't try to learn.
Speaker 2:Don't try to accomplish. You know? Just be. I don't care if that's like, yes, grounding, feeling your feet on the ground, or being out in nature, or feeling the sunshine, like and not trying to make it purposeful by listening to a podcast. Like, our I think too, just our systems and our brains just need a moment, right, where we're not looking at our phones.
Speaker 2:We're not even learning. And and you'll find that that if you do that in conjunction, right, with the empowering thoughts, they're gonna be more effective because I think even sometimes our brain's like, just give me a moment. Like right? Because just be, and then bring in the empowering. Because I just think our brains are also so over stimulated.
Speaker 2:And I'm I'm at fault at that too, and it's from the pursuit of wanting to learn. Right? And and that's a great thing, but I think all of us, I know our brain, our nervous system, our health would do better if we found those just 5, 10 minutes of quietness and focusing on breath and feeling the sunshine and just, like, tapping back into ourselves. Like I said, that quietness that we is very elusive for each of us nowadays. Right?
Speaker 2:So do those add that in, and I think you'll find, even the the positive affirming is even better received because there's, like, this space now that's been created to let something in versus the constant bombardment of just what our systems are receiving nowadays.
Speaker 3:Love it. Awesome. Well, we appreciate it, Ashley. Your story is so inspiring. We're so pumped to release this episode to our audience, and you're just doing such amazing impactful work, and we just feel really lucky to be able to have had this conversation.
Speaker 3:So thank you for everything that you do. We appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Well, you guys as well. And I'm a meat lover myself, so I'm a fan of everything you guys are teaching too. So we're we got some lot of carnivores happening in my home, so yay for all the work you guys are doing as well. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Thank you so much, Ashley.
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